Sunday, May 31, 2009
Where the fuck is it?
there is a body out there that was perfectly designed to fit with mine*
noone owes me anything. no empathy or truth, little trinkets or kind words. at the end of the day im just a boy. and i know that. im okay with that.
If I die before you I hope they bury you alive with me. In my head that is how I love you.
I never did understand why people ask you for love advice, but I think this one is one of your areas of expertise. None of my friends will pick up the fucking phones and my girlfriend of 6 months who I love with all of my heart just broke my heart into a million pieces. All I can do is cry. Any suggestions on moving on?
answered by peter on Jun 11 2006 12:17AM :
take some time and just surround yourself with people who care about you for you. watch the movie breakup- its pretty hilarious. find the one record that will get you through this and then when you are over it put the record away and dont listen to it again. thats my style- and look at how perfectly ive turned out- haha.
at the end of it the only thing that we are promised in life is a hole in the ground. sometimes it gets you through the rough patches just to think that you could change someone
you can learn to love anything if its around enough.
that i just want to stay up late and wake up early to talk to you.
that i want to show you all of my jealousy and insecurity and have you not care.
youre like a light switch and i just want to turn you on and watch them all shrink away.
the words come out of my fingertips on impulse. it is instinct.
my head cant keep up.
i envy the comatose. i admire the bedridden.
i am addicted to the way i feel when i think of you.
and i want to be myself again looking at my reflection in your eyes from the first time i failed you. i am nostalgic for disaster. i want it back.
regardless of what stars i end up under- for the best and for the worst- you have made me who i am. and i try to make myself more decent and better only because of you.
just as easily as you run away from your problems, you can run home to them.
these are all quotes from pete wentz's journals from past years. didn't know what else to do tonight. Some parts made me feel like i did two years ago, but in a comforting way. Some parts I understood, and I hadn't before. Some parts I can relate to so much better. Anyway, I think this was a good night. Praying for the girl I hung out with earlier in it. No deserves what happened to her years ago. It's one of those things you can't really accept, because that's how people end up dying. Feel like writing again like the old days. Because of these words he's wrote. But he's changed (and it fucking kills me. I almost miss it more than u). And so have I. At least I'd like to think. I won't be conceited ever. That's a goal more than a truth. Oh, and by the way it's sad that I have to hate him, just because he's with you. This is all random thoughts if you haven't gotten that by now. But back to that last one for one second, you will never be in the same place as me again. Unless you want to fuck or get married or die. I don't want you with anything else. But moving on, I'm past the days of writing words that I hope will end up in your mind late at night when all you want is sleep. I've started feeling a little like the old me lately though. I have a couple of people who I believe are really there and deff. care. But I can't stand people not getting back to me. I can't stand hanging out with someone and them enjoying it so much and being able to have fun and have serious conversations; but then not fucking hearing from them. "we should hang out" Then why dont you pick up your fucking phone once in a while and do something about it. Hate that everytime I think I might like a girl, she ends up with someone before I can figure it out. I miss the girl who was my best friend at the end of last summer. She hasn't talked to me in months. But I still try a lot. Makes me believe there is a such thing as being too hopeful. Anyway, this is getting long. Time for sleep. Hope tomorrow is a good day. I love you, but only as much as you show me that you love me. Cause otherwise, I just might get hurt. Good night. Peace.
end on page 31 of 127
mayb ill continue 2mrw night
<3
noone owes me anything. no empathy or truth, little trinkets or kind words. at the end of the day im just a boy. and i know that. im okay with that.
If I die before you I hope they bury you alive with me. In my head that is how I love you.
I never did understand why people ask you for love advice, but I think this one is one of your areas of expertise. None of my friends will pick up the fucking phones and my girlfriend of 6 months who I love with all of my heart just broke my heart into a million pieces. All I can do is cry. Any suggestions on moving on?
answered by peter on Jun 11 2006 12:17AM :
take some time and just surround yourself with people who care about you for you. watch the movie breakup- its pretty hilarious. find the one record that will get you through this and then when you are over it put the record away and dont listen to it again. thats my style- and look at how perfectly ive turned out- haha.
at the end of it the only thing that we are promised in life is a hole in the ground. sometimes it gets you through the rough patches just to think that you could change someone
you can learn to love anything if its around enough.
that i just want to stay up late and wake up early to talk to you.
that i want to show you all of my jealousy and insecurity and have you not care.
youre like a light switch and i just want to turn you on and watch them all shrink away.
the words come out of my fingertips on impulse. it is instinct.
my head cant keep up.
i envy the comatose. i admire the bedridden.
i am addicted to the way i feel when i think of you.
and i want to be myself again looking at my reflection in your eyes from the first time i failed you. i am nostalgic for disaster. i want it back.
regardless of what stars i end up under- for the best and for the worst- you have made me who i am. and i try to make myself more decent and better only because of you.
just as easily as you run away from your problems, you can run home to them.
these are all quotes from pete wentz's journals from past years. didn't know what else to do tonight. Some parts made me feel like i did two years ago, but in a comforting way. Some parts I understood, and I hadn't before. Some parts I can relate to so much better. Anyway, I think this was a good night. Praying for the girl I hung out with earlier in it. No deserves what happened to her years ago. It's one of those things you can't really accept, because that's how people end up dying. Feel like writing again like the old days. Because of these words he's wrote. But he's changed (and it fucking kills me. I almost miss it more than u). And so have I. At least I'd like to think. I won't be conceited ever. That's a goal more than a truth. Oh, and by the way it's sad that I have to hate him, just because he's with you. This is all random thoughts if you haven't gotten that by now. But back to that last one for one second, you will never be in the same place as me again. Unless you want to fuck or get married or die. I don't want you with anything else. But moving on, I'm past the days of writing words that I hope will end up in your mind late at night when all you want is sleep. I've started feeling a little like the old me lately though. I have a couple of people who I believe are really there and deff. care. But I can't stand people not getting back to me. I can't stand hanging out with someone and them enjoying it so much and being able to have fun and have serious conversations; but then not fucking hearing from them. "we should hang out" Then why dont you pick up your fucking phone once in a while and do something about it. Hate that everytime I think I might like a girl, she ends up with someone before I can figure it out. I miss the girl who was my best friend at the end of last summer. She hasn't talked to me in months. But I still try a lot. Makes me believe there is a such thing as being too hopeful. Anyway, this is getting long. Time for sleep. Hope tomorrow is a good day. I love you, but only as much as you show me that you love me. Cause otherwise, I just might get hurt. Good night. Peace.
end on page 31 of 127
mayb ill continue 2mrw night
<3
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Sometimes, I don't know.
I don't understand things.
Like why people never fucking reach out to me. It gets so God damn annoying. I have to ask them how they are. Ask them how there day is going. Tell them we should hang out. Call them and ask them to hang out. FUCK!!!!! I have one person right now that will actually call me. One. It's at least one.
But there are other people that I care about that I wish would just hang out with me, or at least fucking talk to me. I don't get it. Is it me? Tell me if there's some how that it's my fault. Don't answer to this. It's not for you. It's for the people that don't even give a damn enough to read this.
Thnks fr th mmrs, even though they weren't so great.
Like why people never fucking reach out to me. It gets so God damn annoying. I have to ask them how they are. Ask them how there day is going. Tell them we should hang out. Call them and ask them to hang out. FUCK!!!!! I have one person right now that will actually call me. One. It's at least one.
But there are other people that I care about that I wish would just hang out with me, or at least fucking talk to me. I don't get it. Is it me? Tell me if there's some how that it's my fault. Don't answer to this. It's not for you. It's for the people that don't even give a damn enough to read this.
Thnks fr th mmrs, even though they weren't so great.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
This never get's written about the way it should.
It's nights like these, where I seriously feel like we as humans don't have the capability to express in words how great and emotional of a night this was. I love Ryan. But, this is what a best friend is. Tears were in my eyes. And to be honest, I think they were in his too. This is love like a brother. This is why I know this summer will be great.
When you care about someone so much that you are willing to die for them. Is that because you think they deserve to live more than you; or that you are too scared to live life without them?
<3
When you care about someone so much that you are willing to die for them. Is that because you think they deserve to live more than you; or that you are too scared to live life without them?
<3
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
"And I don't know
And I can't guess
If we're gonna be ok
But now, my last wish
Is that you do this with me
Kiss me here, hold my hand
Let me feel like I'm the only one
I know you can
Won't you do it for me now"
Some pick up a blade,
I pick up this cd.
If we're gonna be ok
But now, my last wish
Is that you do this with me
Kiss me here, hold my hand
Let me feel like I'm the only one
I know you can
Won't you do it for me now"
Some pick up a blade,
I pick up this cd.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Struggling
lost in this predicament
I don't know how to be someone I'm not.
I was fake enough in my life already.
I pretended for a few hours.
But where do we go from here? Is it to be left alone? Or do I go after it?
I don't like being put in these situations.
"we met at a party. We were both wasted."
I bet thats true of many marriages these days.
Hold me when you kiss me.
don't let go.
<
I don't know how to be someone I'm not.
I was fake enough in my life already.
I pretended for a few hours.
But where do we go from here? Is it to be left alone? Or do I go after it?
I don't like being put in these situations.
"we met at a party. We were both wasted."
I bet thats true of many marriages these days.
Hold me when you kiss me.
don't let go.
<
Monday, May 11, 2009
I LUVE U
this right now, is one of these moments that I get every so often. They can be considered rare. Moments, where for some reason or another, I just want to have unconditional love with someone. I just want, like I once had, someone to hold and kiss and never let go. Someone to fall asleep with, so waking up in the morning and knowing they are there makes everyday the best day ever. these moments, are the one's that seem more real than life ever could be. But they aren't beyond life. These are the moments I want to cry, but my eyes are dry. The moments that make me feel trapped. They hurt, they are a little painful. But nothing is better in the world than these moments. It's hard to describe them. A hug right now means nothing, unless it's from the one person that probably won't ever touch me again. This is pain. This is real. This is me feeling alone. This is my wanting to cry, and let it all out. But for some reason, it's trapped inside. These moments make everything else in my life seem to make sense. This is why I still don't believe in love a second time around.
I'm so hurt.
But I'm more alive then ever.
And there is something so special about that.
<3
I'm so hurt.
But I'm more alive then ever.
And there is something so special about that.
<3
Sunday, May 10, 2009
the past
I'd write this in my journal, but I don't have it with me up at school. So writing this on here, I feel a little naked. But it's better than being completely covered up.
There have been two people who have majorly hurt me and had a part of my heart so far in my life. One was love, one was something else. The love, I have thought about so much that I was able to form some conclusions. I understand some things. that's not saying I'm over it, that's saying it allows me to get up in the morning. I would recognize the other one, but I never gave it much attention. She doesn't deserve it. However, she's influenced me. And I'm starting to finally understand something else about me. Something caused by her. I don't fully understand it (will i ever...). But, at least since her, I have been pulling people back into my life because I wish I could pull her back in. So pulling back in others, well, that's the next best thing. I don't think it's so much I miss her, as much as I just want to try to finally figure her out.
I'm scared of over this summer because I will have free time. I will only have a handful of people to hang out with. And when you don't have as much of something as you want, that's when you lower your standards. That's when I let in people who probably aren't as good friends as I would like.
And that could also go back to explaining me pulling people back in. That way, I already know how I'm gona get hurt.
The Used= one of my favorites : )
Also, finally started listening to Underoath. : )
This is why I don't talk to people when I get down. Give me a little time, and I figure it out on my own. And if I really need someone to talk to, I pick up the phone. I don't hesitate.
I hope this summer, I don't become the old me.
< 3
There have been two people who have majorly hurt me and had a part of my heart so far in my life. One was love, one was something else. The love, I have thought about so much that I was able to form some conclusions. I understand some things. that's not saying I'm over it, that's saying it allows me to get up in the morning. I would recognize the other one, but I never gave it much attention. She doesn't deserve it. However, she's influenced me. And I'm starting to finally understand something else about me. Something caused by her. I don't fully understand it (will i ever...). But, at least since her, I have been pulling people back into my life because I wish I could pull her back in. So pulling back in others, well, that's the next best thing. I don't think it's so much I miss her, as much as I just want to try to finally figure her out.
I'm scared of over this summer because I will have free time. I will only have a handful of people to hang out with. And when you don't have as much of something as you want, that's when you lower your standards. That's when I let in people who probably aren't as good friends as I would like.
And that could also go back to explaining me pulling people back in. That way, I already know how I'm gona get hurt.
The Used= one of my favorites : )
Also, finally started listening to Underoath. : )
This is why I don't talk to people when I get down. Give me a little time, and I figure it out on my own. And if I really need someone to talk to, I pick up the phone. I don't hesitate.
I hope this summer, I don't become the old me.
< 3
Fuck this
Week wasn't really good. Thought's are in my head about people I shouldn't be thinking about. This is how I end up alone in the end. And disappointed. Life is so fucked. Nice guys do finish last. Why the fuck is that? This summer will suck. Except for one weekend. Oh well. I should go back to feeling miserable on my own time.
Peace
Peace
Sunday, May 3, 2009
missing it
I wish I knew someone that writes a blog like Pete used to. I miss reading my feelings before I even understood how to put them into words.
<3
<3
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Fuck
no matter how much you have dealt with them, found answers, and tried to move on.... some nights memories that you thought you would have forgotten creep back up on you. And as you lay down, it's like they are waiting on your pillow. The second contact is made, they creep into your head.
Life is good, then life is bad. I don't have really bad times anymore. I don't even want anyone to read this. I don't feel like it's worth it. Those days are behind me. I don't want advice. I probably know most of it already, so I just get annoyed. I don't want sympathy, I'm really not doing that bad. I'm fine if no one reads this one, or probably most of the one's from now on. Do something more fucking worthwhile with your time.
There's a girl. She's just a friend. I don't know how I feel about her. I don't know if I have the patience for her. I know she's a great person, but I don't know if we would be good for each other in this society. How fucked is that? I don't think I deserve her. Because of the way society makes me me. I don't think I could change enough. MOVE didn't show me who I was, MOVE showed me the best person I could become. Made me come very close to my potential. But back to society, I'm just less of that person.
Two people I've talked to a lot lately are in mental hospitals right now.
One attempted suicide.
Another one is more severely depressed than I've ever seen her.
And I need to get my best friend to call my old therapist so he can go see her.
Maybe I am looking for a little compassion, a little sympathy.
It's fucked that it's not okay to talk about this stuff. People don't know what to say to this. It's easier for people to help someone who is stressing out about a final than someone who is debating ending their own life. Not only that it's easier, but that most people would rather help the first. Most people would help the first.
You found me by the Fray just came on my itunes which is on random. I think that's a sign that I should attempt to fall asleep again.
"Peace to you and goodnight"
<3
Life is good, then life is bad. I don't have really bad times anymore. I don't even want anyone to read this. I don't feel like it's worth it. Those days are behind me. I don't want advice. I probably know most of it already, so I just get annoyed. I don't want sympathy, I'm really not doing that bad. I'm fine if no one reads this one, or probably most of the one's from now on. Do something more fucking worthwhile with your time.
There's a girl. She's just a friend. I don't know how I feel about her. I don't know if I have the patience for her. I know she's a great person, but I don't know if we would be good for each other in this society. How fucked is that? I don't think I deserve her. Because of the way society makes me me. I don't think I could change enough. MOVE didn't show me who I was, MOVE showed me the best person I could become. Made me come very close to my potential. But back to society, I'm just less of that person.
Two people I've talked to a lot lately are in mental hospitals right now.
One attempted suicide.
Another one is more severely depressed than I've ever seen her.
And I need to get my best friend to call my old therapist so he can go see her.
Maybe I am looking for a little compassion, a little sympathy.
It's fucked that it's not okay to talk about this stuff. People don't know what to say to this. It's easier for people to help someone who is stressing out about a final than someone who is debating ending their own life. Not only that it's easier, but that most people would rather help the first. Most people would help the first.
You found me by the Fray just came on my itunes which is on random. I think that's a sign that I should attempt to fall asleep again.
"Peace to you and goodnight"
<3
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