Nature vs. technology

It's funny how I'm trying to use the internet right now to not feel alone. It doesn't work to well. I'd be better off just calling someone, or going for a walk outside. Even if it is Lowell, i guess. I want to be alone tonight because I want to know I can be. I have grief inside me. I have stress and questions and confusion and desires and dreams and everything I list just seems to bring more questions. I have questions.... questions.... questions. Sunday I want to go on a hike and I hope I get to. I want to have a day doing something I choose to do, and to feel free and accomplished. I don't need a grade or a "like" to feel accomplished. Those things are superficial. I need the sense of pride that comes within me, and also those that come from honest kind words, smiles, and hugs. I need to just be me. A couple of nights ago I read the beginning of one of Leo Buscaglia's books. It had been way to long. I simply read the intro and was able to feel more alive and happy than I have in a month. I got some of my spark back thanks to reading that. The knowledge, and equally as important the belief in the knowledge that happiness spreads. It's contagious. I want to share it with everyone and just do good things! Sometimes, like right now, at the end of the day we are left here feeling like we let today down. We could've done a little better, or allowed it to be a little more meaningful. I don't think it's good to dwell, so I'm not going to. I think the best we can do is to try to do a little better tomorrow. I miss honest, sometimes difficult, conversations over coffee. Who ever is reading this, let's have one soon. Make both of our days more meaningful and cheerful. I don't write on here often because I'm trying to use people and nature instead of technology. I know it's the better way. < 3