getting on the track to feeling real

its bright outside, and the waether is nice, but let me stay in the basement all day. lay in the sun, and fall asleep with the day. but then you dont know what to do at night. and that's where i live, in the night. im the shadow in every room. im the eclipse. im the deformed cloud that blocks the sun. im the space in the sky in between the stars and the moon at night. it might not look far, but it is. kind of describes my relationships with people. maybe i belong in a different galaxy. put me in a spaceship and let me search for foreign life. maybe ill find aliens and make friends or maybe the ship will blow up durning launch. but i dont care, i've thrown in all my chips and im just waiting for the river. maybe i need to lose it all again to realize what is important and how i feel about people. cause nothings felt right since a few weeks ago when i lied to u.

a few weeks ago i woke up from having a dream where i was in Disney.
excuse me, Mr. Mickey Mouse can you help me...?
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just something to ponder

we feel useless when we have no power. So we tell ourselfs we have the power to take our own lives. But by doing that, we lose all power.


i like love better when it's lost
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?

I think the question mark is my new best friend.

lifes getting better.
im still lost, but i found a map.

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I've figured something very imporant about myself out

I fit and look better in Girl's hoodies.

but also, i think i've found the road i got off. and im getting back on.
does anyone want to come along?
no, ok, i didnt think so anyway.
i mean, its just a metahporical road.

imagine a world where we could chose love, instead of the other way around. let that float into your dreams tonight and wash away the nightmares of that monster hiding in the closet.
sleep well
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scremo is awsome

i did something stupid. dont we all sometimes? nothing feels right when music isnt in front of me. lock me up in a room with no food or water, but all of the music resources in the world. i will die in a few days. but those few days will be so real, and i will love them so much. this isnt my best writing. but nothings been anywhere near it's best for me lately. im getting a little bit of it all.

i hate wasting time to become "friends" with people again, who dont even end up talking to you or acknowledging your exsistince.
everytime i began to get worried and wonder if the whole world is better than me, i remember you.
remembering love is the only thing that makes me feel worth something. being nostogic isn't killing my image, its saving my heart.

The world won't miss me. You can't miss what you don't know.
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It's Friday Night

i know someone out there is bored and alone.
can we be bored and alone together?

my other words found their way into a notebook tonight.


i wish he posted this 6 months ago, or sooner:

i want you to be lonely like me
just so youll leave me be*

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dreams, get ready to take off

four years. we cried, we sang, we danced, we laughed. we made more memories than our hearts can handle. we learned how to love, how to live, how to hurt, and how to heal. we learned how to deal. we learned to lie and to be honest. to kiss and sell. to kiss and tell. to miss and dwell. to remember to forget. to forget to remember. to listen to gossip and to share our own. how to get by. how to stay fly. no lie. but we learned life as life learned us.

there were eyes i wanted to catch. and there were arms i wanted to avoid. there were lies to be set straight. and ties that should have hung high. but when you hung up on me, i didnt hang up my tie near the ceiling. i became who i am. whoever the fuck that is, but im ok with it. and im learning myself better everyday. i've got a way with words; do you have a way with anything over the waist?

he shouldn't be worried. my only deadlines are with the skeloton my heart visits time to time and any of his friends. but he hasn't disarmed me. i want to fight this war. i'll never throw up a white flag. only red.

drinks all around, and hey who cares if i slip something in a few of them.

my feet are running away, but my arms haven't let go.
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"now I can kill, because now I hate"

a week away from all of this is too long. i miss my bass. i miss the words. this week i loved the technology i was around more than the people. its what tells me i need to get out of this place. im becoming more and more familar with the feeling of being unsatisfied; of searching for something better.

i think im just so jealous, because she has gotten so great at hiding her lies and living by them. maybe if i was ever able to do that, then i'd be normal.

go to school for 4 more years, and learn all of these new equations. but me, i'm just trying to figure out one. the solution is the way to the human heart.

the weight from my heart is shifting to my eyelids.
goodnight.
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