Fuck

no matter how much you have dealt with them, found answers, and tried to move on.... some nights memories that you thought you would have forgotten creep back up on you. And as you lay down, it's like they are waiting on your pillow. The second contact is made, they creep into your head.
Life is good, then life is bad. I don't have really bad times anymore. I don't even want anyone to read this. I don't feel like it's worth it. Those days are behind me. I don't want advice. I probably know most of it already, so I just get annoyed. I don't want sympathy, I'm really not doing that bad. I'm fine if no one reads this one, or probably most of the one's from now on. Do something more fucking worthwhile with your time.
There's a girl. She's just a friend. I don't know how I feel about her. I don't know if I have the patience for her. I know she's a great person, but I don't know if we would be good for each other in this society. How fucked is that? I don't think I deserve her. Because of the way society makes me me. I don't think I could change enough. MOVE didn't show me who I was, MOVE showed me the best person I could become. Made me come very close to my potential. But back to society, I'm just less of that person.
Two people I've talked to a lot lately are in mental hospitals right now.
One attempted suicide.
Another one is more severely depressed than I've ever seen her.
And I need to get my best friend to call my old therapist so he can go see her.
Maybe I am looking for a little compassion, a little sympathy.
It's fucked that it's not okay to talk about this stuff. People don't know what to say to this. It's easier for people to help someone who is stressing out about a final than someone who is debating ending their own life. Not only that it's easier, but that most people would rather help the first. Most people would help the first.

You found me by the Fray just came on my itunes which is on random. I think that's a sign that I should attempt to fall asleep again.

"Peace to you and goodnight"
<3