the past

I'd write this in my journal, but I don't have it with me up at school. So writing this on here, I feel a little naked. But it's better than being completely covered up.

There have been two people who have majorly hurt me and had a part of my heart so far in my life. One was love, one was something else. The love, I have thought about so much that I was able to form some conclusions. I understand some things. that's not saying I'm over it, that's saying it allows me to get up in the morning. I would recognize the other one, but I never gave it much attention. She doesn't deserve it. However, she's influenced me. And I'm starting to finally understand something else about me. Something caused by her. I don't fully understand it (will i ever...). But, at least since her, I have been pulling people back into my life because I wish I could pull her back in. So pulling back in others, well, that's the next best thing. I don't think it's so much I miss her, as much as I just want to try to finally figure her out.

I'm scared of over this summer because I will have free time. I will only have a handful of people to hang out with. And when you don't have as much of something as you want, that's when you lower your standards. That's when I let in people who probably aren't as good friends as I would like.
And that could also go back to explaining me pulling people back in. That way, I already know how I'm gona get hurt.

The Used= one of my favorites : )
Also, finally started listening to Underoath. : )

This is why I don't talk to people when I get down. Give me a little time, and I figure it out on my own. And if I really need someone to talk to, I pick up the phone. I don't hesitate.

I hope this summer, I don't become the old me.
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