I'm falling again. I lasted longer than I did before. But how can you judge improvement when at the end always lies failure? It's not as simple as it seems though. Give me some credit, I'm not that shallow. It's everything I've been holding in. Trying to push forward. Am I really better when a bad test grade and a sad song can slip my mind right back into where it used to be? Questions never get answers. So why do we ask them? Because we know other people wonder the same things, but they just can't bring themselves to say it. Every time we fall, we are still helping others. After all I've been through, I want some fucking answers. But maybe the ones I'm looking for only come with death.
I thought I was getting better. But before I had the chance to be sure, no one gave me the chance to change. Heck, I had given up on myself, so I guess it's hard to blame them for doing the same. With every minute the phone doesn't go off, the lonesome grows. I spent yesterday in a room alone all day. It felt horrible. My heart goes out to people that have given up on their chance for of a happy life. No wonder I feel the way I do. The odds are against me. I'd ask fate for help but I don't have a fucking clue where it stands. I'd ask friends for help, but I don't have a fucking clue where they stand.
I'm fine with 100 people leaning on me, as long as I can lean on one person. Just one. To listen. To give me a hug. That's all I ask.
It's hard to fight against standards everyone is counting on you to, when you don't even know if they are the right standards for you.
"My bed so cold so lonely,
No arms just sheets to hold me,
Has this world stopped turning,
Are we forever to be apart?
Forever to be apart,"
<3
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