Older feelings become new

I'm scared. Yet so anxious. So close to either feeling so great, lucky, happy, and loved. But also so close to feeling so dark, hurt, alone, and confused.
Not as scared, because I have people who I know won't leave. People I can talk to.
But I think.
Does it matter how many people are there if you are so hung up on just the one you don't have?
Can all the others just really disappear? Because, well frankly, you don't care.
You want their help, there arms and ears.
But you don't.
Usually when I write these I listen to peaceful soft music.
Right now I'm listening to Underoath.
I like it.
It's weird how I can feel so connected to someone that lives so far away.
I mean that in a best-friend sense.
I know it's healthy I'm a little paranoid.
The sky is cloudy. No stars used to always mean not to good of a night.
I guess some things never really do never change.
Thought about driving by ur house 2night.
But I didn't. I have only been able to say that a handful of times.
I don't want to hurt anymore over you.
But as I wrote that, it felt like a lie.
Maybe I'm STILL not ready. : (

I debate a lot about religion, but it seems like praying always helps.
Just though I'd through that in here. It will probably allow me to sleep at night.
I was over thinking too much about tomorrow. I will sleep now.
I just remembered that earlier this week I burned every letter she ever wrote me.
I had forgotten. It puts a smile to my face.

We are all broken. Don't forget it.
Sometimes I do.

Want to have a thing of just true sayings for my To Write Love chapter. On Facebook every morning, I will post a saying. It can have been written by me, or someone else in the group. And I guess musical lyrics also. But just something true. Something that we can all forget. Something that can hopefully improve our lives, either by inspiring or warning us that pain can come.

I'm confused.
But that's life.
I hope Underoath is right when they say "At the end of the road, you'll find what you're looking for"

<3