I have an incredible gift

I take pain, and I turn it into passion for good things.


Hope it doesn't fuck me over....

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Just decided.
Just fucking decide already.

I am a human. Nothing more, nothing less.

I need love. I need people to care about me.
Live is at it's best for me when i have arms that will wrap themselves around me,
and a body I can hold.
Lie next to it.
Into the night, and out of the night.

Today is not great.
Yesterday wasn't either.
I don't know what tomorrow holds,
but I'll stick around and find out.

I look at the water, and think of what it'd be like to swim in it.
To freeze and feel something so strong and so real.
This week hasn't seemed real.
Those upcoming will allow me to decide if that's in a good or bad way.
If you're laying alone tonight, and wishing you didn't have you feel so empty, know your not alone.
The victims are here, as are the offenders.
The rich who have their own chef
and the poor who struggle to find their next meal.
The old who feel like there's nothing left and too much has changed.
The young who are getting drunk and fucking (up their lives) or trying to change the world for the better.
Or maybe they are somewhere in the middle.
Life's all about middles. Trying to find how many questions we can ask before we seem annoying.
Trying to talk to that girl who we think about when we fall asleep at night. And oh how we just pray she is dreaming about us.
For we want her to like us, but we don't know. And we are so close to scaring her away.

A gun can be turned on anyone.
The trigger can be pulled, and a life can be ended.
And another.
And another.
and sadly sometimes it can seem like the killing and the dying, the raping and the torture, the pain and the isolation... it will never change.
We are told to look for the good. To find it. And seize it. Hold on to it and treasure it like that first toy we'd never let go of.

A 9 year old commited suicide last week.
On the same day, not too far away from where he did it, a couple got married.
Hundreds of new lives were brought into this world.
You'll want to focus on the last two sentences instead of the one before them.
Because the bad things scare us. And we run away from them.
We hide like fucking cowards. under the drugs, the drama, and the everyday things that can keep us busy.

I just sat in my bed at 1pm and watched tv for an hour.
Some little child in Africa will die today.
Clean water and a nice meal could make it more peaceful and less painful for him.
Medicine which costs $10 could probably save him.
Let's go out to eat tonight and have a few drinks afterwards.
We got our paychecks today, and it's a great way to celebrate.

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Today was way better than any day I could meet Pete Wentz

ask me about it. I will tell.
Denny is amazing.
Jamie is amazing.

Denny said I should intern.
I'm prob. helping out at MOVE and being my sister's guardian.
We are re-scheduling the event which means another chance to hang out with them.
Life is going great.
I am loving it.
If you aren't, I'd be happy to share some of my love with you.


: )

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I hate being in a room alone

Especially my dorm room. It makes me really hesitant about this whole RA thing. I mean, I'm doing it for money. That's the main reason.
I want to go meet someone with a powerful story. I'm in one of those moods where I'm just sitting here thinking "I'm sitting in my room bored, and there's someone no further than this building probably that feels alone right now. Wishes they had someone they could talk to."

Maybe it's good I want to help. Maybe it's not. I'll talk about my life, about me with anyone. But I guess I'm still scared to sit and think about myself alone.
Something must still be not sitting to well with me.

I'll say it again.
And sadly, It'll probably go nowhere.

That space is where I said it.
But only in my head.

Favorite part of today- Skype with sis.

Leaving the rest in my head right now. Hopefully it'll sort itself out a little more first.

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