Urgency

This word has spoken to me a lot lately. This describes so much about the world we live in. There is a sense of urgency in almost everything. I try every day to recognize the urgency in people. It can be someone that needs a hug, someone to listen to them, and walk through life for a little while. It can be the person that just needs a meal or a place to stay tonight. It can be the people trapped in sex-trafficking that are experiencing hell. It can be the people living in a country run by unfair laws. Urgency is for all of the people that will die by suicide tonight, die from starvation, be beaten to death or shot. For all of those who will be rapped, sexually assaulted, assaulted, kicked out of their homes, rejected by their loved ones and denied their begging screams for help. There is an extremely broken world out there.
I feel like it is my responsibility to do try to change this all as much as I can. Get involved; and take a stand. Reach out and help someone. I mean, how can be look at what is going on and NOT get involved and try to help?

But it gets confusing. Life, well, life is very confusing. How can we do this best? What is best? At what point do we stop being selfish and begin putting others first? We can become a better person when we put ourselves first, but when is it enough to start to give back? How much fun should we have? Because see, I feel guilty when I sit home and play xbox. I enjoy it, but I feel guilty. It’s hard for me to have fun by myself. I can do it. I know I can. But when have we done enough? When do we know that we can and should do more? In Massachusetts I poured my heavy heart out over and over again. I miss that, I really do. I knew that I was trying so much to make this world just a little less shitty of a place. People admired and respected that. When do we stop pouring our hearts out? It is not fair for us to push this work onto others, or to forget about it. That just makes the world more messed up.
I guess it’s hard to find a support system that is healthy and functional. I’ve looked to others for support, and while I’m down here I’m trying more so to look into myself for it. I will go back to Mass in Oct and once again be the same person in many ways. I will not lose my sense of urgency. But I need to learn to slow down sometimes. To be able to stop, breathe, and look in the mirror more. I need to have my own things to do that I enjoy and find relaxing. This is my struggle. Finding the middle. I hope my journey over the next few months gets me some answers.