part deux. a few days later.

from the moment we are born we are slowly dying.
it is the only thing that remains constant.

dear world,
please make me not alone.

i was told a tour story of bob dylan- how when you were in his crew on the road with him. when he had his hood up it meant you couldnt talk to him and when he didnt you could.

i believe i must have a disorder of some kind- or else why would i care about things so but act so carelessly. nevermind anything.

Think of how I would love to spend the day just writing. I want to catalog everything. I want to explore every inch. I want to write myself a letter from the future when all is well and just give myself some kind of comfort

there are words that can be strung together and repeated in my ear in a particular order that will unlock the codes of my heart. i sit and wait on them.

"we're all in the gutter, some of us are looking at the stars."

put the love on hold, anticipation is on the other line and excitement called while you were out.

not too sure i could ever love someone who loved me.

the way they say "youre committing slow suicide" when someone lights up or cuts loose. but arent we all. everything we do just shortens our life, every breath is one less. but its what makes everything so treasured


part 2. mayb they have moved on. Maybe Pete is a different person. But it's still comforting and okay to read this. And sometimes lie to myself and say that he hasnt changed. I think unlike every other thing that's only been remotely close to my heart, this didn't end badly. He doesn't hate or dislike me. He's the only one. Ya, he doesn't know me. But that's why in a way I'm happy i didn't meet him. I'm so afraid I'd screw it up. Anyway. Also, I can sense that my writing changes a lil afta readin him. There's a special feeling in my heart right now. It's cause of him. It's the closest to home I've had since March 21. I fucking love this man. I don't care if he's changed, I want to kidnap him and hang out for a week.

If you want to really know a lot about my past, it's good you're reading this.
only up 2 page 42 I hope 2mrw goes okay.
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