I've changed

I mean, no shit, we all do.
There's a specific way in which I've changed that surprises me.
I first really noticed it on a summer night not too long ago. On a night that I can call one of the worst of my life so far. See, I just didn't care as I had this person I love right in front of me that was showing me their heart. And I just had practically no emotion. I realized that I had gotten to a point in my life where I started to really guard my heart. Where I was scared of getting hurt and therefor didn't reach out as much.
And now I'm more caught up in searching for myself, in figuring who I am, and how I can become a better person. It's almost like these things mean more to me than helping others and trying to make a difference. I don't like that.
I understand that it's important to know, understand, and love myself to a certain extent, but I don't know where that line is. I feel like I could go on the rest of my life being caught up with myself (I know some people do). I don't want that. I want to reach out, offer love to others, and see beauty in it all. I want to do things for others without any expectations. I simply want to give myself. It's hard though. As much as I can complain and sound lost, please notice that I always keep trying. That I'm still here, my heart is still beating, and I'm trying. That's something. That's something that's pretty freakin cool. In some ways, I haven't changed I guess.


Love. It's a word that I want to say more and more and more. I want to attract it to me. I want people to feel the presence of it around me. I want to share it with 7 billion people.

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