Monday was probably the best day of my week... TAKE THAT REBECCA BLACK!

Monday I was lucky enough to go up to Lowell for the day and spend time with some of my awesome friends. I was also given the opportunity to teach QPR to my old UChapter. The entire day itself was awesome. I am thankful for lunch, for sitting outside on a slightly chilly fall day with a nice cup of coffee in downtown Lowell, and of course the evening. Being able to run a meeting again made me remember how much I love doing so. It's amazing how much I learned that night and was reminded of things. I mean, the QPR itself was pretty good. I did okay for my first time, and know some things I need to work on.

But I learn a lot about myself. I remember what it felt like to be a little vulnerable. I remembered what it was like to feel humble, and maybe also a little helpless. I remembered that these are good things. My desire comes from others. From being in a room with people, and also from experiencing things that I know I can't do much to help change. See, this makes me want to do even more. It makes me remember that it's okay to not be okay. The only reason that that UChapter was as well as it was when I was there was because I could look myself in the mirror and admit that I was broken. I have a gift where my heart can be both broken yet still have a huge desire to share love (maybe we all do, but I've found it in me). And it's an amazing thing for that. It felt good to feel valued, and also remember that it's okay to feel not okay. I'm so thankful for the family that I have in Lowell, and I'm really looking forward to being back up there this spring. Lots of hugs, conversations over cups of coffee, and learning will happen.

I'm going to make a difference in this world. Damn it, I'm going to. I will find what the best way I can is, and I will go after it. I believe in me.
I believe in others.

I feel alive this time of year. I drove home screaming lyrics to 30 Seconds to Mars with the window down. Almost exactly this time last year, I had that cd blasting as I sat on the side of the road on route 24 feeling hopeless as all hell. I'm learning what has and hasn't changed about me:
Those moments were special, because I want things that I can believe in, and I believed in Love and hope and walking through life with a beautiful struggling woman at the time. I felt things to such an extreme.
I still have the same desire of love, even towards her. The difference is I don't think it's enough for her. That's something that is on me. Because like I said in my last post, I'm learning that I have a lot to learn when it comes to love. And people just have differences...
I wish bad on no one.
"Everyday I try to make myself a little less shitty of a person."
That's all we can do in this life.
Now I'm going to read about love, talk to some friends, and be content with this beautiful night.

It's hard to explain that something doesn't weigh you down anymore, without sounding like you don't care. Ever think about that?
I still care. I do.

<3