I'm thankful:

I'm thankful that I'm alive.
That I am living in a house.
That I have food, water.
That I am in college.
That I am healthy. Physically, and most of the time mentally.
I'm thankful for chances to help people less fortunate than me.
I'm thankful for ultimate frisbee.
I am thankful that I am doing things I love, and I want to.
I am thankful for music.
For self expression.
I'm thankful for To Write Love On Her Arms. For the never ending things that being involved in this organization has done for me.
For all of the people I've met through that.
For MOVE. For every single person there, who taught me what community is, and what it means to love. That great people are in this world. That I'm not alone.
For the UChapter. For all the people that have helped make that possible and all of the people involved in it.
For every person who has shared their story. Because I find hope and inspiration in every one.
I'm thankful for my family. For the fact that everyday, I have the chance to become a little closer with them. Heal open wounds.
For my friends. For being there for me. To talk. To have fun. For anything. For every time that someone tells me they are happy i'm alive, or that I'm the person I am. For every time someone tells me they care.
I'm thankful for hope. for redemption. for healing.
I'm thankful for being able to do fun things. For all of the opportunities life has given me.
Most of all, that I wake up and just get out of bed every morning. Because I don't have to try to search of a reason why I should anymore. I have so many.

If you are a part of my life, I love you. I am happy that I know you. For all of the good times we have and for everything we've learned from the bad. I find inspiration in every person I've had a conversation with. Thank you. : )

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Sometimes I'm caught in moments when I get scared. I feel normal.
I'll be around people and I'll feel like I want them to be looking up to me.
And it can be hard, but sometime a conversation doesn't go the way we hope.
I'll see there's something someone wants to say, but ......
Pause thought.
I think I just figured it out.
We start to fall apart. I don't understand some things about you. What we need to do is just hang out. The two of us. One on one. Talk. But that doesn't happen. And you will write these miserable things about your life. And I won't really understand. And I'll want to fix you, to change you. Cause I just think that maybe if you are more like me, we will be closer. You will talk to me more. (I know that's wrong).

I think that makes sense. I'll read it again 2mrw.
I think I just figured out quite a few friendships that I have ruined and why I got so hung up on them.


I want to be me.
I'm spending life trying to figure out who that is.

Haven't had a good heart to heart, one on one convo with someone since Boston a couple of weeks ago. like one where I got to talk a little bit about me too. I think that needs to happen soon.

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My Paper Camera

It's a band. From Idaho. They have 269 fans on facebook right now. I don't know a lot about them at all. But I know they have made this day a lot easier to get through for me. And that I am falling in love with their music.


Depression, Depression
good bye.
(I hope)


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this scares me a little bit

I've been here before
and now I'm back again
The same questions are coming to light
They've been lingering in my head
Keeping me awake at night
Where do I go from here?
How can I get out?
But wait, do I even want to get out?

Depression Depression
Please go away
Oh, but Depression,
part of me wants you to stay
Fighting, Screaming and crying inside
I want this to be a better life

Depression, Depression
I've known you longer than my best friend
That's long enough and you're trying to come back again
Go away! Get out! Leave my FUCKING life!

I only have one life. and I've ruined enough of it
1 person. I only want 1 person. And one thing.
Love. LOVE. Just give me love.
No more scars
Just someone to kiss the old ones
No more lonely nights,
I'll say "come here hun"

I have hope.
Hope
hope
hop
ho
ho
ho
but it's running out.
I'm getting worn out.

Renew my hope.
Give me faith.
I'm calling out to....
who? I'm not sure.

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Article I wrote for the UML newspaper about To Write Love.

What do you say to a girl who uses self-injury to deal with being sexually assaulted? How can you help someone who is severely depressed and contemplating suicide? Where do you turn if you are addicted to drugs, and want to find a way out? If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired? These are tough questions. These are questions that scare a lot of us; we don’t know answers, because these are issues that aren’t talked about a lot. That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be talked about. This is something we want to change.
Hello, My name is Kevin Pelletier and I am the president of the To Write Love On Her Arms chapter here at UML. To Write Love On Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and invest directly into treatment and recovery. This fall, To Write Love launched their first 15 college chapters across the US, and we are lucky enough to be one of them! By building community, Chapters can organize gatherings, cultivate awareness, and create a network that actively raises funds and reaches people with a message of hope and help for those who are hurting.
This is a place where it’s okay to come and talk about pain, about struggles, where you can ask the tough questions. This is a place for anybody, whether you are struggling with something, have struggled, know someone who is struggling and want to help, or just don’t understand these things and want to learn more. We will talk about these issues, we will learn about them, and we will learn how to help others and get help ourselves. The most important thing we will be doing is learning what a community is. We will learn about each other, and hopefully become great friends.
There will be discussions that can seem heavy or dark, however, this won’t be every meeting, or every conversation. We will be doing a range of activities. There will be concerts, meetings where we will just hang out and have fun, and movie nights. I hope that people who join this will leave with memories and friends that last a lifetime. I already know I will.
There are so many stigmas out there, especially in places like college campuses. We are one of the highest age groups for all of these issues. Suicide is the third leading cause of death for our age group (15-24). Ten percent of college students struggle with self-injury. Let’s change that. Let’s replace secrets and silence with community and hope. Let’s learn what it means to LOVE OUR FRIENDS, and what it feels like to LOVE OURSELVES enough to get the help we need in a time of pain. Let’s explore the idea that maybe YOUR STORY MATTERS, and that you might be part of a bigger story. You are not alone. Wake up. You’re alive. We’re on your side.
Search To Write Love UML on Facebook to find our group! Feel free to email Kevin_Pelletier@student.uml.edu or any of the other officers with any questions or comments. Our next meeting will be on Thursday November 5th at 5:00 in McGauvran 345.
Peace to you, Kevin

Listening to The Path- The Early November

I feel like the one thing that kept me and my first love from being any closer is that I didn't get her past. I didn't get what it meant to come from a broken home. I didn't know what to say when she told me some things she went through.
Sometimes I wonder if being so involved in this is driven not by my own story, but by guilt from that. By the slightest fucked up hope that maybe if she knows now we could be close in that way, we might get back together.
But she's changed. I know that.
I'm chasing after a memory.
Not a person.
That's why I've been able to let go as much as I would.

"Maybe we're bent and broken."

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