It's getting cold outside. Snow hasn't lied itself on the ground yet, but it will soon. This is an interesting time of year for me. I've especially lately become more fascinated with nature. This fall has meant motorcycle rides up to Newport to sit and stare out at the ocean. I'm not quite sure what winter means for me right now. It's a time of year that people spend more of inside. These four walls are getting to me. This is the time of year where it's great to have someone to cuddle up next to. But not all of us have that.
I know that I will always love people. Yesterday I grabbed coffee with a friend. On the ride home, we blasted music and sang our hearts out. It was the most alive I've felt in a while. I love interacting with people, and going out and exploring. I'm excited to get back to college, to be around people. That's one of the best things about college, the community in it. There are always people doing spontaneous, exciting, new things. It's so easy to meet new people.
I don't really know what else to write right now, but I want to write something. I want to give more, and to feel more connected. I want these words to feel like a hug for someone. I think that would be nice. One thing that has remained constant for me over the past few years is that I want to share my life and this journey with others. I want to inspire and support as many people as I can. I care. I genuinely care; and nobody's perfect, but I do try. Damn it, I just want to make this world a little better of a place before my time is up.
I don't know what my future holds, but I feel like it's something big. I'm a leader. Not everyone can get up and speak in front of hundreds of people, organize and run things with as much passion and hard work as I have. I have some gifts and I'm hoping I learn the best ways to use them. The non-profit world is sounding very promising. Now, I think it's time to read and then get some sleep.
I hope tomorrow brings you happiness, and a warm, bear like hug from someone you care about.
< 3
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
My mind is racing
So many things I'm excited for in the future are getting closer and closer.
The next two days will be relaxing and enjoyable, which will be good after the week I had. I'm thankful for meeting new people. It's always fun asking questions; it's the best way to get to know people. I think that's something I've become pretty good at over the years, asking questions. It's humbling, in the sense that you are more interested in what you can learn than what you can teach someone. I like conversations that are full of questions.
There are many good friends in Lowell I can't wait to hang out with.
Going to try to get some sleep.
<3
The next two days will be relaxing and enjoyable, which will be good after the week I had. I'm thankful for meeting new people. It's always fun asking questions; it's the best way to get to know people. I think that's something I've become pretty good at over the years, asking questions. It's humbling, in the sense that you are more interested in what you can learn than what you can teach someone. I like conversations that are full of questions.
There are many good friends in Lowell I can't wait to hang out with.
Going to try to get some sleep.
<3
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
"I get by with a little help from my friends"
It's kinda of like a born again type of thing....
I read about Love about a week ago before I went to bed. A book by Leo. The next morning I woke up in a wonderful mood. I'm continuing to read, and wake up in wonderful moods. I'm proud and content with the person I am. I'm so thankful for the people in my life right now. My friends are amazing. Yes, I miss some friends in Lowell, and Florida, but I have good friends around here, and I have people that I can text, call, skype and stay in touch with. It's great to feel like you're sharing you're day with someone. Wether it's a person you are hanging out with, or just talking to about stuff.
Yesterday I sat on a bench staring out at the Boston Harbor with Logan airport behind it. My best friend was next to me. We were just talking and taking it all in. Every time a plane flew off I said bye. I thought about how many people where on each flight. Wondered where they were heading and why they were going there. Excited to go on a vacation, or flying back towards loved ones struggling with heavy hearts. Some probably felt so alone. I remember the last time I was flying back to Florida when I lived down there. With about a half hour left in the flight, I took my headphones off. I started having a great conversation with the gentleman next to me. Talking about Florida, where we were from, and sharing experiences in life. It was nice. I decided that when I go back to Florida in Jan, I'm really going to try to have a conversation with someone on the flights. I talk so much about how I want to reach out, share love, and know others. I don't practice as much as I preach, and that's something I'm trying to work on.
I know I'm not perfect. I know I have hurt many people in my life. I know I have done things that I shouldn't have. Things that have hurt myself, others, and made this world a little less of a good place. But I also know that tomorrow is a new day. And that gives anyone and everyone the chance to be a leader. To step up and start out a new, fresh start. I wake up to the singing of the words "It's a new day" every morning.
I have very recently learned to accept that sometimes we just need to let certain people out of our lives. Not everyone on this earth can connect nor live in harmony with each other. People experience life in different ways, and chance at different paces. Sometimes it doesn't all add up. This can hurt to accept, but it can make us all healthier individuals. I remember a quote that Leo had heard, "If we can love each other, can we at least not hurt?". Is that beautiful to live by or what? I think so.
There are beautiful people around you with kind hearts that can share the joys, pains, questions and all parts of life in harmony with you. Or at least only a half step off. But it still sounds pretty good. Hug hard. Smile even when you're not sure if you should. Have hope. Live with passion in your heart.
I want to make this world a better place and fill it with more love. Let's make this journey into a movement that will be remembered forever.
< 3
I read about Love about a week ago before I went to bed. A book by Leo. The next morning I woke up in a wonderful mood. I'm continuing to read, and wake up in wonderful moods. I'm proud and content with the person I am. I'm so thankful for the people in my life right now. My friends are amazing. Yes, I miss some friends in Lowell, and Florida, but I have good friends around here, and I have people that I can text, call, skype and stay in touch with. It's great to feel like you're sharing you're day with someone. Wether it's a person you are hanging out with, or just talking to about stuff.
Yesterday I sat on a bench staring out at the Boston Harbor with Logan airport behind it. My best friend was next to me. We were just talking and taking it all in. Every time a plane flew off I said bye. I thought about how many people where on each flight. Wondered where they were heading and why they were going there. Excited to go on a vacation, or flying back towards loved ones struggling with heavy hearts. Some probably felt so alone. I remember the last time I was flying back to Florida when I lived down there. With about a half hour left in the flight, I took my headphones off. I started having a great conversation with the gentleman next to me. Talking about Florida, where we were from, and sharing experiences in life. It was nice. I decided that when I go back to Florida in Jan, I'm really going to try to have a conversation with someone on the flights. I talk so much about how I want to reach out, share love, and know others. I don't practice as much as I preach, and that's something I'm trying to work on.
I know I'm not perfect. I know I have hurt many people in my life. I know I have done things that I shouldn't have. Things that have hurt myself, others, and made this world a little less of a good place. But I also know that tomorrow is a new day. And that gives anyone and everyone the chance to be a leader. To step up and start out a new, fresh start. I wake up to the singing of the words "It's a new day" every morning.
I have very recently learned to accept that sometimes we just need to let certain people out of our lives. Not everyone on this earth can connect nor live in harmony with each other. People experience life in different ways, and chance at different paces. Sometimes it doesn't all add up. This can hurt to accept, but it can make us all healthier individuals. I remember a quote that Leo had heard, "If we can love each other, can we at least not hurt?". Is that beautiful to live by or what? I think so.
There are beautiful people around you with kind hearts that can share the joys, pains, questions and all parts of life in harmony with you. Or at least only a half step off. But it still sounds pretty good. Hug hard. Smile even when you're not sure if you should. Have hope. Live with passion in your heart.
I want to make this world a better place and fill it with more love. Let's make this journey into a movement that will be remembered forever.
< 3
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Winter
And I feel like my head is full of nothing but questions....
Tuesday can't come soon enough.
< 3
Tuesday can't come soon enough.
< 3
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Life is simple and boring right now... and I'm learning to be okay with that
I play xbox a lot. I only have a couple of friends around here that I hang out with, and I'm so broke that I can't really afford to drive up to Boston or Lowell to see friends (I could, but I'm choosing to go back to FL in a month instead, and I must save up!). Getting a few more hours at work, which helps. I was in a funk for a little while. But I woke up this morning and I was in a good mood. I think it really has a lot to do with the fact that I read before I went to sleep last night. More so what I read about, love and human nature, than the fact that I read. But it was really nice. I woke up with hope today and a smile. It was raining but I was fine with that.
I don't have a lot of passion in my life right now. I don't feel super connected, and I can't say I have a ton of things that make me feel alive. This is temporary, and I know that. Life is a long journey, and not all of it can be awesome and super exciting.
As I said before, I'm learning to love the little things more. I went out to dinner with my dad tonight. I can't say it was a bad day after typing that sentence. The only constant in our lives is change.
I have a poster of a Shuttle taking off from the Kennedy Space Center in my room. I wake up every morning with the reminder that dreaming isn't just only okay, but necessary in life.
Here's to hoping for a good hug tomorrow.
< 3
I don't have a lot of passion in my life right now. I don't feel super connected, and I can't say I have a ton of things that make me feel alive. This is temporary, and I know that. Life is a long journey, and not all of it can be awesome and super exciting.
As I said before, I'm learning to love the little things more. I went out to dinner with my dad tonight. I can't say it was a bad day after typing that sentence. The only constant in our lives is change.
I have a poster of a Shuttle taking off from the Kennedy Space Center in my room. I wake up every morning with the reminder that dreaming isn't just only okay, but necessary in life.
Here's to hoping for a good hug tomorrow.
< 3
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Believe
I want to believe in something again with my whole heart. I want to feel needed, wanted, and useful. Somebody walk into my life, or walk further in if you're already a part of it.
Right now.
UP
Me
Pick
My
Be
<3
Right now.
UP
Me
Pick
My
Be
<3
Thursday, November 24, 2011
A few thoughts
My brain will never feel as full as my stomach did today. This I am sure of.
I've been thinking a lot the past few days. I got wrapped up in the end of the book I was reading, and loved it. Reading > tv or xbox.
In the book Donald Miller tells the story of how he goes on what he kind of calls a pilgrimage. He is looking for answers to questions, to the "why" questions, and looking to learn so much about life. He does many amazing things on this trip, including hiking the grand canyon, playing a made up golf game a midnight with friends, climbing into caves, and watching the sun rise and set. His answers to these questions seem to be in all of these activities. See, he gets so caught up in the beauty and happiness of it all that he stops asking the questions. I'm inspired by this, but it also holds true a saying I've heard: "Every answer just leads to more questions." And I mean, that is a good thing, please don't get me wrong. Now I'm sitting here wondering if life is meant to be spent discovering this beauty as much we possibly can, or to just remember that it's there, and to go experience it when we need to. The answer is somewhere in the middle. I guess I need to just learn where that is. Because I believe that watching the sunrise is more beautiful than the body of some girl that you're just hooking up with.
I also have came to a very interesting realization about drinking as we get older. I have done a good amount of drinking this past month, actually it goes back a little further than that. I think we all get to this stage in life at some point. Maybe it's not drinking but something different for other people, but follow me on this for a minute. I have learned this to be true at least for me. I spend the majority of my average day doing things that I don't like, such as school or work. I don't like these things because see, I'm always trying to figure out more about who I am, and what makes me unique as a person. I want to understand both my flaws and my strengths. Spending my time at a job or in a classroom that doesn't allow me to be my own person, or interact with people in the way I would like to challenges this. I think that this happens to us so much that we start to forget who we really are. For me, drinking is what I have used lately to help me bring back my original self. I mean, drinking just allows you to be more honest, and more of yourself; and that's what I want to get out of it. That's what I have been getting out of it in a way, and that's why I've continued it.
I got my credit card bill in yesterday, and realized that I have spent far too much money on alcohol. I need to really cut back on my spending. I have always known in the back of my head that drinking so much probably isn't the best thing, but now I finally have a reason that I need to calm down with it; and this is making me face it. Please don't get me wrong, I haven't been going out every night getting drunk, I just choose to have a few beers every few days and when I'm out with friends. So I'm trying to cut back on all of that. I know that it would help if I understood why I was drinking so much, and this is what got me to thinking so much about all of this.
So, I now have about a month left at home before I go back to school. As much as it can be hard to find things to do, and people to hang out with, I'm going to try to do more of the things I have been the past couple of days. I have been reading a lot. I have been having conversations with people, and spending more time with my family. Tonight, I sat in my living room with my parents, brother, and his fiancee. We just talked for awhile. (They talked longer without me. I was downstairs playing xbox, and I've realized that the holidays and family seem to make me want to be a loner a bit. But those are thoughts for another blog, maybe the next one.) It was really freaking nice to just sit there and talk. I enjoyed it and I realized how rare and special a moment like that is. I'm thankful for that more than anything else today. I hope that you are thankful for things in your life. If not, I encourage you to go check out the TWLOHA blog Jamie posted today. Lastly, I hope tomorrow rocks for you. And a little thought: Whatever present you're going to wait in line 4 hours for.... I can bet you that it would mean so much more to the person if you just spent 4 hours with them.
Idea: For a week, at the end of each day, look back on the day and think about it as if it was you're last day alive. Ask yourself what things you'd be glad you did that day, and what things you're mad you wasted time on. I think this is something that could teach a lot.
I have no idea if you still read these. I texted you today. I think I want to hear back because I know if you're willing to talk to me then I know that I'm doing okay. That I've gotten a little better, a little healthier. Because I know that you wouldn't want to talk to me if I haven't changed. Maybe I'll marry you, maybe we'll never talk again. But I know that you were and still are a big part of my life. I know that it's okay to talk about you (without dwelling on things). I'm still learning from you. Where ever you are, what ever you're doing; I hope you can take something good from me. Because even if I never get to give you any of my love again, you have, and will forever inspire me to love others. To give people the benefit of the truth and hope. To hug so hard that we are squeezing the pain out of each other. Love has many different meanings. But I know this, I love you. I have loved others, and I will probably love others in the future. But it's okay to love you. And if you read this and it touches you're heart, but you don't reach out to me, please know that's okay. I'll pray to Buddah that you're doing alright.
Okay, I'm feeling a little lonely tonight, and this now needs to end. But I'm glad I'm choosing this life. I'm proud of the things I write, like this blog, that come from it. We are always learning.
< 3
I've been thinking a lot the past few days. I got wrapped up in the end of the book I was reading, and loved it. Reading > tv or xbox.
In the book Donald Miller tells the story of how he goes on what he kind of calls a pilgrimage. He is looking for answers to questions, to the "why" questions, and looking to learn so much about life. He does many amazing things on this trip, including hiking the grand canyon, playing a made up golf game a midnight with friends, climbing into caves, and watching the sun rise and set. His answers to these questions seem to be in all of these activities. See, he gets so caught up in the beauty and happiness of it all that he stops asking the questions. I'm inspired by this, but it also holds true a saying I've heard: "Every answer just leads to more questions." And I mean, that is a good thing, please don't get me wrong. Now I'm sitting here wondering if life is meant to be spent discovering this beauty as much we possibly can, or to just remember that it's there, and to go experience it when we need to. The answer is somewhere in the middle. I guess I need to just learn where that is. Because I believe that watching the sunrise is more beautiful than the body of some girl that you're just hooking up with.
I also have came to a very interesting realization about drinking as we get older. I have done a good amount of drinking this past month, actually it goes back a little further than that. I think we all get to this stage in life at some point. Maybe it's not drinking but something different for other people, but follow me on this for a minute. I have learned this to be true at least for me. I spend the majority of my average day doing things that I don't like, such as school or work. I don't like these things because see, I'm always trying to figure out more about who I am, and what makes me unique as a person. I want to understand both my flaws and my strengths. Spending my time at a job or in a classroom that doesn't allow me to be my own person, or interact with people in the way I would like to challenges this. I think that this happens to us so much that we start to forget who we really are. For me, drinking is what I have used lately to help me bring back my original self. I mean, drinking just allows you to be more honest, and more of yourself; and that's what I want to get out of it. That's what I have been getting out of it in a way, and that's why I've continued it.
I got my credit card bill in yesterday, and realized that I have spent far too much money on alcohol. I need to really cut back on my spending. I have always known in the back of my head that drinking so much probably isn't the best thing, but now I finally have a reason that I need to calm down with it; and this is making me face it. Please don't get me wrong, I haven't been going out every night getting drunk, I just choose to have a few beers every few days and when I'm out with friends. So I'm trying to cut back on all of that. I know that it would help if I understood why I was drinking so much, and this is what got me to thinking so much about all of this.
So, I now have about a month left at home before I go back to school. As much as it can be hard to find things to do, and people to hang out with, I'm going to try to do more of the things I have been the past couple of days. I have been reading a lot. I have been having conversations with people, and spending more time with my family. Tonight, I sat in my living room with my parents, brother, and his fiancee. We just talked for awhile. (They talked longer without me. I was downstairs playing xbox, and I've realized that the holidays and family seem to make me want to be a loner a bit. But those are thoughts for another blog, maybe the next one.) It was really freaking nice to just sit there and talk. I enjoyed it and I realized how rare and special a moment like that is. I'm thankful for that more than anything else today. I hope that you are thankful for things in your life. If not, I encourage you to go check out the TWLOHA blog Jamie posted today. Lastly, I hope tomorrow rocks for you. And a little thought: Whatever present you're going to wait in line 4 hours for.... I can bet you that it would mean so much more to the person if you just spent 4 hours with them.
Idea: For a week, at the end of each day, look back on the day and think about it as if it was you're last day alive. Ask yourself what things you'd be glad you did that day, and what things you're mad you wasted time on. I think this is something that could teach a lot.
I have no idea if you still read these. I texted you today. I think I want to hear back because I know if you're willing to talk to me then I know that I'm doing okay. That I've gotten a little better, a little healthier. Because I know that you wouldn't want to talk to me if I haven't changed. Maybe I'll marry you, maybe we'll never talk again. But I know that you were and still are a big part of my life. I know that it's okay to talk about you (without dwelling on things). I'm still learning from you. Where ever you are, what ever you're doing; I hope you can take something good from me. Because even if I never get to give you any of my love again, you have, and will forever inspire me to love others. To give people the benefit of the truth and hope. To hug so hard that we are squeezing the pain out of each other. Love has many different meanings. But I know this, I love you. I have loved others, and I will probably love others in the future. But it's okay to love you. And if you read this and it touches you're heart, but you don't reach out to me, please know that's okay. I'll pray to Buddah that you're doing alright.
Okay, I'm feeling a little lonely tonight, and this now needs to end. But I'm glad I'm choosing this life. I'm proud of the things I write, like this blog, that come from it. We are always learning.
< 3
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