You did this

I can't sleep. I want to just take a knife and cut "I miss u" into my arm. I'm sorry I'm thinking about u. But sometimes I need to. Saying u don't want me to ever think about u again is saying u want me dead. Maybe u realize that. True Love is something we have. I'm wondering now, if the cd I've listened to so many times before I fall asleep is about a true first love or not. People don't usually write songs about girls like u. I was wrong when I started writing to write shit about u. I didn't understand, so I told myself u were someone we both knew u weren't. And then the hate started flowing. But I try everynight before I surrender my mind to sleep, to remember the real u and the real us.
These days have sucked. The person to blame knows who she is. Running away from me at the moment. I'll catch up if I still give a shit. I know her type all to well.
this is to someone different:
Try to control your own fucking life. You have it worked out well don't you? Fuck up your life for yourself just enough so you can use it as an excuse whenever someone tries to really help you. Everyone is different. But I don't want to waste my time trying to figure out how different one piece of shit is different from the other. Grabbing a little sign of what you think is love everywhere you can. But when you throw together all of your pieces, no matter how many you get, you're going to fall short. It just won't work. Your not getting by. I have the advantage, and from now on I always will. You won't let anyone in because you are too scared to know the truth. I bet you'd use your body to get out of talking. I wouldn't know, we rarely got past the part where I'd call and you'd make sure not to answer. Because of your stubborness, I feel insecure. It makes me want to burn your house down. When you come running out, instead of water I'll dump gasoline on you. Then you can try to put the fire out with all of those tears you can let out all to well at any instant. Steal what I thought was a friend, and make him your boy. Do it again, just to treat me like a toy. Once that finger slid in your pants you had him, and you always will. You knew what you were doing, and you knew it well. That was your push, and I fell. But I'm getting up now, so I'd pack up and leave. Cause you just made a side of me. A side that should never been seen. I'm taking off the mask to show the scars. You'll flinch and look away at first. When you look back you won't believe what you see. Blood takes up more of the floor than it doesn't. Just leave it here for a minute. I know You can wash that up in an instant. I could be lying dead on the floor, and your lies would still control the room. You can talk your way out of ruinging this friendship. But you couldn't leave this town without looking back on it. Your name is the only thing that will be burried deeper than my soul in hell. So why not, make it worth it. Go for the party scene next year. While your driving home drunk, I hope you turn the wrong way off the cliff.

Now that some of this is off my chest. I will try to go to bed.
This weekend better keep the drama with it when it ends.
<3