Just found out it's going to cost around $5000 for TWLOHA to come here. That got me a bit discouraged. I'm sure we can raise it. And I understand why they can't come for free. But it's a little frustrating. Last night was awesome. Love Boston. Love great conversations. Haven't just sat and talked with someone for awhile. Well I have, but I haven't really talked about myself a lot. I just don't open up easily, but I'm glad I know I have a few friends I can to. Really got me thinking a lot. Still thinking.
I want to hate someone. Throw out harsh words. Bring back my lyrics lines I'd write. Just get in an argument. Cause I feel like it's the closest and quickest I could get to Love right now.
I never said I wasn't pathetic. You just might forget it sometimes.
I haven't written this ever. But there are still a lot of times I think about cutting. I think about how much I'd like to do it.
I never have though. It's been over two years, maybe three. I never knew a date. I just always push these thoughts away.
I guess I think about it cause I feel like if I did that again people would know I'm broken. That I'm in a rough patch again. But i remember, if I really feel like that I can always just tell it to people. I can talk to them about it. It's a tough situation though. I feel like I shouldn't talk about this a lot, so I won't. I might never mention it again. Just know they're there sometimes. The thoughts. But also know I never act on them.
My itunes shuffle is playing a lot of FOB 2night. I feel like it's trying to tell me something....
But I just want to listen to Anberlin.
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of course they're still there. these things don't just disappear. remember how you always correct me that it's 'struggling?' it is struggling. and this is a part of the struggle.
We're going to raise that money and it's going to be amazing. We'll talk about it Sunday night, or sooner, if we see each other.
love you <3
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