I'm a people person

I love people. I love being around people. I want to meet up and have open, honest conversations every single day of my life. I want to share stories. Talk about things that can be hard to talk about. I continuously self-evaluate myself. I know I can always be a better person, and I always try to be. I think about myself on a very deep level, and I love to talk about that with other people that do the same. But it's hard to have these conversations. I don't want to think that people are shallow and just don't think like that... but I think they're maybe scared? Maybe when a lot of us start to self-evaluate, we hate what we see, we don't like who we are. I've been there, I still am sometimes. It's so hard to face that, especially alone. To be honest, I still don't like the person I am. If you want to know more about that, ask me "why" when we are talking sometime. I'll talk about it. I want this post to have a bigger meaning than me though. But why do we run away from that? Why don't we take time to self-evaluate. It's hard. I know that.
But people don't, and it seems like they just walk through life. Not really caring, not really happy. It can be hard to do this. It can be hard to really care, to be emotional. People put their jobs, their school work, some hobby first. But what if we put people first? What if we tried to care about others. What if we weighed our accomplishments in a day not by how much we got done at work, or that we finished a paper, or earned this much money; but by the conversations we had? How we got to know someone, if we helped someone or not, or what we learned about ourselves? And I don't mean in the shallow sense of that. Who the person really is. It can start with questions like, where are you from? what do you do for fun? what's your favorite sport? what's your favorite band? BUT IT CAN GO DEEPER!!!! How are you, really? What is your biggest fear right now? What's your dreams, what are you doing to make them real? I feel like it's hard for us to show we really care a lot of the times. We all do, I'm not saying there are bad people out there in the world. I think people get tired though, and worn out, and sick of stuff, and exhausted. I think everybody wants to do in a job in which they feel like they are making a difference. I think everybody either expresses they care or deep down want to. But I wish we as a society pushed ourselves more. I remind you, I constantly self-evaluate. I know I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to be a better person. What if instead of going to help out at a soup kitchen on thanksgiving day, we did it once a week? What if instead of dropping $20 into The Salvation army bin, we used that to go take a homeless person out to dinner? Had a nice meal and a conversation with them? Got to know them and learn their struggles. Then maybe tried to help them if they weren't happy. See what we could do to make them happy. I try to not get too attached to possessions. If I ever start to bitch about losing something or that I don't have something, please remind me of all of the people less fortunate than me in the sense of possessions. I want to go over to Africa so bad. I want to learn the culture and see what makes people that have to walk for miles just to get water want to keep living. Because I think they fucking get it better than any of us reading this on a computer ever will. By it I mean life, I mean the bigger picture, I mean the tough questions. I mean all of "it".
I hope people start to do more good things. I think it starts with conversations. I want to meet the people that when I ask, what are you passionate about? They don't say "the red sox", but instead "trying to end sex-trafficking". Good can come out of everything. I understand the Red Sox can give people hope, that at the end of a long day sitting down and watching a ball game can be unwinding and relaxing. But so can grabbing coffee and having a conversation. I guarantee you, if instead of sitting down and watching TV for an hour, you go help out at a Soup Kitchen, you will feel better at the end of that night. Yes, it'll feel awkward walking in there for the first time, but a happiness can come from that. And it's so much more valuable than the excitement of watching a team win the world series. Or at least I think it should be to you. I never try to tell people what to do. And I understand in this post, I am a little bit. I'm being a little shallow minded, and maybe parts of this frustrate you. But try to see the good in this. Try. Read it again with an open mind. I'm self-evaluating, and I'm going to try to make these thoughts more organized and more open and welcoming. I've turned down and blown off going to parties plenty of times when friend's have asked. However, I've never said no to going with a friend to help somebody in a way that I think is meaningful and doing good. I'll work on that, and I'll try to make a difference in somebody's day today. What are you going to do?
If your hesitant, cause I have been lately, here's another thought process I'm struggling with lately: I help people a lot, but sometimes I wonder what's the point? If you aren't truly broken down, you won't change. I've had conversations with people, and they feel better about themselves, but then the next friday, they are out getting drunk at a party and they haven't done anything worthwhile. They they didn't develop a true care for people. I feel like there wasn't a point in these situations. Was there? I think there needs to be a larger and more well-known community that supports people to do good things. Because without that, we fall right back into the old ones. I have a lot of questions and struggles in my head right now. My heart is heavy. While you're sleeping at night, I'm thinking about the girl who is a few blocks away fucking some guy that paid her $100 because it's come to this so she doesn't feel alone, or so she can put food on the table for her kid. And I don't know her story, but I want to. I want to go ask those questions and learn about why she's living the life she is.
About 2 months ago, I was at a therapy session, and was asked "what do you do for fun?" I didn't have an answer. "wow, um, nothing I think. But having conversations with people relaxes me, and that makes me feel real. I guess that's the closest I can get to fun?" I'm sorry, but this is a broken world. I try to never ignore that. We live here and if we understand the pain, we can help make a difference and turn it into something better. I hope that more people try to turn this into something better.