Let's talk about sex...

I was at the beach today. Surrounded by attractive girls. Girls that wear bikinis that make you just want to stare. Because they are sexy. Because they are showing you almost their entire ass and all the cleavage they have. There's the part of me like every guy, that enjoys being around this. Before you call me an ass, let's think of what Freud said about sex. But they are hot. Damn, they are hot. I go to work, and the pier is full of so many attractive girls. Walking around, sitting at the bar, talking. Doesn't matter what they are doing. They are begging to be looked at.

I'm trying to step back from all of this. There's a part of me that wants to just go up to these girls and start a conversation. To say hi, and get to know them. But I stop and think. I'm doing this because of what I see. I don't know jack shit about this girl, besides the fact that I think she will look really good in lingerie, and naked. This is how so many people meet in our society. Sex appeal. Because we don't know anything about a person, besides that either consciously, or sub consciously, we'd like to fuck. It's that simple.

What I hate about this, is that it's so much easier to walk up to a girl on the beach who I'm attracted to than to find someone that I can connect with emotionally and really respect. I could walk up to every girl I see and ask her for her number, or if she wants to go out sometime, but I don't. What keeps me from doing that? I don't think it's that I'm scared of rejection. I mess up all the time. I admit it, and usually I can laugh it off. I think that it might go deeper. That maybe it's because I don't want to be shallow, and I don't want to be with someone else that can be that shallow.

Semi different note. It was a long hard night at work. A lot of people from work were going out afterwards. Going to get a drink, or to the club, or whatever. To get drunk and party and run away from their lives. Because they need to relieve the stress for tonight (and probably bigger things too) this way. And I'm almost worried, as I start to work there more... if I'm going to become like that. I don't want that for me. I want a better life (I think a life not doing this is better for me. I'm not saying it is for everyone. Do want you want. I don't think I'm better than anyone.) A happier one. I've thought a lot since I've been down here about meeting girls, making friends, going to parties, and getting drunk. The only people I know down here are those that I work with via TWLOHA. A healthy life style should include friends from outside of work. But how can I do this besides those ways I just mentioned? I guess I'm stuck struggling with an answer for this. I'm not going to go drink or party, or even probably walk up to a girl at the beach and say hi. But... how do I meet people and make friends down here?

I don't want TWLOHA to become my life. That's why I'm so glad I have this job. It gives me a chance to get away from TWLOHA. Because that's needed every now and then. Nothing against the people or organization, sometimes we all just need a break. Especially living in a house with five other people. I know good things are worth waiting for, but I hope I make some awesome friends down here soon. So I can spend my weekends learning more about people through their words than their bodies. Going home next weekend will be nice. It's too cold for the beach in MA.

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