TWLOHA

i'm going to say it one more time. go check it out. it is allowing me to feel so alive right now



<3

Here's a step backwards:

From 9/29/07. I smiled when reading this. The end, not so much.

Theres this uneasy feeling in my stomach. Its been there for 2 days now. Prob the fact that I've ate nothing besides Macdonalds twice since then. Hate the fact that for some reason I can't just quit life. Wish something tragic could happen to me. Maybe then people would really care. Maybe then people would want 2 spend time with me. Why take a shot in the dark when I can't see any light? I'm the hair that will never leave your eyes, cause you will never see the world the same way again. For once I felt like something was going my way. Like my heart was resting for once. But it was just because it was going to skip so many beats after that. And not in a good way. I am the starlight on a cloudy night. You now I'm there, but your too impatient to wait. When you can see it every night, who cares if you miss a night or two? Or a week. How would you feel though, if when you finally went to look for it, you couldn't see it. Maybe it died, maybe its just to dull to notice. But that's ok, there are so many other stars you can look at. You'll just forget thats what left is a place that will never look right. But i never looked right. Tell me a reason. Just let me understand. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to. thats a promise. Cause right now, this is killing me more than the scars I've made. the scars i will make. Almost as much as the scars u've made in my heart. I'll be dead before any of them heal. Go get a shovel, and go to the cemetary. Dig out a grave for me so its ready. It's the least you could do. Place the coffin in, and ill sleep in it everyday until one day i just dont wake up. Sleep is my best friend. It's funny how the things that help us can also hurt us the most. I love that i can have hours back to back where i dont think about everything. But i hate the work thats involved trying to get back those hours. Playing is the only thing i can do that gives my heart a break and seems worthwhile. That and writing i guess. I have no hope but to be hopeless. Yet im the hope of others. im the record that you put in and press repeat. and as much as you feel you understand it all just because you know all of the words; everytime you sit down and listen to it, you learn something new. Its so great to have that band which you feel like is your own secret. But sometimes you just need to turn on the radio and hear 50 with Timbalnd and JT. If there's nething i've learned in the past two days, its this:

your the closest to love i'll ever get again.
but because you dont know what love is yet, you feel like im too close.
trust me when i say its not as close as you think.
i miss you.
the doorstep in front of your house is my second home.
i already have a broken heart.
and i fucked myself over with the first home.
just let me stay until i fuck myself over with this one too.
maybe you'll get (un)lucky, and i wont.
and you'll know this sad pathetic loser forever.
but I'm not that at all to you am i?
i'm the boy thats taught you the joy, cause you know the pain so well.
I'm the tear drop that never makes it down your cheek, cause its caught on a shirt from a hug.
It's happiness that has truth behind it.
Your my bestfriend, and no matter what happens with us, 10 years from now ill still wonder if your ok. and hope that you are. cause just like me, you'll never leave the part of this heart that i gave you.


Deep down i think this will all work out.
and i know this feels right.

dyingtotalk
<3

To Write Love On Her Arms

www.twloha.com

read it. look around the site. get involved. I went to their stop at UML on their east coast tour tonight. These guys are so real. They are so nice, and they really have their hearts into this. I stayed there and had almost an hour conversation with one of the people in it after the presentation. It is truly amazing, and one of the few things in the world today that seem 99% real to me.

<3

I (sadly) don't forgive when I shouldn't

sometimes i miss my ex friends. i wish they did things that could be so much easier to forgive. i wish i could look back at the memories and not be hurt because i know there wont be future ones like them. i miss things i never knew. because i wish i knew when this world was a better place, but I haven't got the slightest fucking clue. im sick of being alone. but I won't settle for anything "better" if it's less real to me. let the rain pour down. It washes away the blood faster.


hopefully tonight I'll feel better.
I've now hit the post button 100 times, and put just as many useless hopeless words on the world wide web.
and out of all of that, i dont have one comment. id asked myself why i still do it, but i know i shouldn't.


let me die faster. Maybe I'll cherish life a little bit that way.
<3

I felt like sunshine on this rainy day

Drunk phone calls. Rides headed to an unknown destination starting at 1 a.m. and ending around 3 a.m. in my hometown. then spending the whole next day putting more miles on tires than i did the week before. driving, visiting, shopping, driving, a "first date at Mcdonalds", and a little more driving. This might be one of the best 24 hours of this year. But that all depends on how the next few weeks play out.

this is something special. friends or something more, I don't know yet.
But if you convince me you care, I'll give you every single broken piece to this heart i can find. (I just hope I don't get it stolen, or back in more pieces). You remind me a little of my tttyg. But I don't want to see that, so I'm not right now. I never though I'd sound so hopeless when saying this, but please don't let me down. And if you must, let me down gently. I've taken a lot of hits in this round, and another hard fall might be a KO.


<3

Dear Love,

can we meet again? it's been a while.
my head has been spinning in circles. I'm in one of those moods that just doesn't allow me to keep up. my heart doesn't know where to go right now. It's like im homeless. and im going into a house, but i have no idea what it's like inside, or how long im going to stay. so im scared. cause this has happened before, and i just ended up right back on the streets. its cold and dark. the rain is slamming against my head. will you give my comfort, or are you just stopping to say how unfortunate this situation is; and then moving on with your life without actually helping me at all?

You find the right path for you, and then you spend your life pushing away people that try to get you off of that path and onto the "right one"

<3

Fall Out Boy 11/6/08 Harper's Ferry

This was one of the best nights of my life. I figured out one of the reasons why I love this band so much. They are so real.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97YGZmoXJRs

It gets cut off, but Pete says he herd someone yell Tell That Mick before, and that they are going to play that song right now.
I wish I had the balls to stay after and meet them. I'm just so nervous I'll say something stupid.
Oh, did I mention I basically set up the line for this show? Overcast Kids rule.
It's nights like this that make life worth living sometimes.
Right before they played Saturday I wanted to yell,"you make this place my home Pete" or something like that. But I just didn't.
I'm so afraid he'll look down on my in some way. I'm so afraid to not get accepted by him.


Fall Out Boy= my heart's safest resting place
I would sleep in a car and sit outside in the rain from 4:30 a.m. until 6 p.m. any day to see them.
<3