every good thought in my mind tonight was taken from me

would you believe it? it happens sometimes, and it sucks.
but i do know, that I had a really great conversation last night for the first time in months. whoever you are, sometimes you need to just sit and remember that people have it a lot worse than you in life. I know I've forgotten that at times. stars, im going to see a lot of you soon. i hope we form a good relationship. btw, ace enders is amazing. and his music is as awesome as a beach where the sand doesn't stick to you when you get out of the water. i have this picture stuck in my head. the moon has blue square police lights above it. and some shadowy kid (probably just another nobody... probably me) is running down the street. i want to draw it, but i totally suck at drawing. I can color inside the lines and all but my free hand drawing is as good as my freestyle rapping. its just not good. so even thought almost nobody reads these, you should draw that and leave it as a comment or show it 2 me somehow. it just might make my day.

some people just haven't realized yet that they're afraid of being alone.
we all are.

some nights lust can be good
but only for the night
move on in the morning
good back to never being understood
and always feeling a pitch off of right

sleep tight
but hold me tighter
im light
your the lighter
give me oxygen
let me breath
i'll say it again
please don't ever leave
<3

I just wonder,

if i got you to realize your life is worth something, and then you just fuck it all up and we grow apart; was it worth it?


more soon
<3

what good is a hot sumer night

when you have no way to cool down?

saw your face in my dreams
woke up and today wasn't what it seemed
tricks are being played on me again
I'll feel "emo" then
cut my wrists to feel alive
see my potential then take a dive
a dive towards the lies
that together form my life
but this world doesn't know who i am
this world is to ignorant to take a stand
how can a boy become a man
when when he says "i can't" no one says "you can"
this worlds fucked up but i still want to see it
they say love is gone but i dont believe it
i had it
i lost it
"too bad kid"
well then fuck off
tonight i jump out my window and drive away from what they think is my home
friday nights are so boring when your alone

<3

Tomorrow

is mother fucking Warped Tour!!!!


<3

I came back to this house

Call me a fake. Call me a hypocrite. I just ran away from my main problem. I couldn't take it all. It wasn't so much that I was really homesick, It was that I didn't enjoy the actual program. That I didn't make any friends. That I didn't meet anyone into the same type of music im into. It's so odd, you see some many people at shows, and artist sell millions of records. But sometimes it's so hard to just find one other fan besides yourself. I actually liked the city. I don't know if I'd live there one day. It's hard to find a place to escape to. Three years and I'm still searching for a place to call home.
I don't know what's going to happen to me. I realized the odds of actually becoming a musician in a band, and making it. Maybe that won't ever happen, maybe it will. But I will be surrounding myself in something I love. And I wasn't exactly doing that. There were too many different styles and ways about going about things up there. I need to find my own right here. Feel somewhat solid with it, so I'll be able to go off to college. I hope I don't just end up wasting the next 5-6 weeks. I hope I make something out of my time.

Off to bed, and yes I asked the boogieman; he's found his comfortable place under my bed.
Besides, in the city, you can't see the stars
<3

letting it out is making the world's biggest mess

as salty tears drip down my face
i realize this isn't my place
i don't belong here
get me out now
i'm dying here
i dont care how
hold me tonight or i'll die
cause if you dont
my body will float
im done with the fight
suicide tonight

going back and forth

i love weekends with old friends. no matter where you are, it's nice to escape to other places. new and old. i guess we all get a little homesick sometimes. no matter how much home has sucked in the past. it's weird in a way, cause i almost feel like im living 2 lives. getting adapted takes time. so does everything.

next weekend i am getting pushed into a curb from a shopping cart ill b riding in. i'm excited.

<3