Tonight's another night alone

I should get in my car and drive west. Run away from this new year.



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The same story for the.... ( i cant remember how many times)

maybe this one i can at least feel go at the end


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What's the point?

I don't get how some people love just running to drugs or alcohol whenever they have a problem. I mean, sure it's nice to get away. But there are so many fucking better ways. I don't get how people realize that it fucks them up more, but still do it. It brings them more pain. There's other places to turn. And I could show you, but you won't see things you don't want to. It makes me want to give up. Nothing else does. But those words, I don't understand it. If that becomes you're life then all I can say is I hope very soon you realize how much you are missing out.


and i love that the songs you sing are written about girls just like you
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Seven Pounds

Love is the movement


Tomorrow I hope I make someone's day, and maybe even change the direction they're headed in in life.



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Same thing as last year.

Sitting alone listening to "Yule shoot your eye out" repeatedly . It feels comforting in a few different ways I think. I hope I never forget to do this. I think this is my favorite part of the holidays. Ya, I know, fucked up right? Oh well, go unwrap your presents on the morning and be happy. Don't forget though, love doesn't come in a box.



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I won't be a Rockstar.

This is something that has been hitting me lately. I won't get a band, I won't go anywhere with one if I did. Over the past few months this has started to takeover in my head. If it's wrong, college is to blame. But as much as I can have my heart set into it, I need to find other people that want it as bad as me. And that just isn't happening. I'm losing faith, so maybe It's my own fault. I don't really know what else to do though. I go through a lot of phases. Some repeat. It shows in my writing. Maybe this is just another one of those, or maybe it really is different. "Believers never die". But I already did a long time ago. I said I'd throw this all away for something, and I think that's my biggest weakness. Anyway, I'm going to try to become a "better person". I'm going to try to help people. Get really involved in TWLOHA. That is something good, and worth living for. And I'm always going to love FOB and all of this. And hopefully I will still always write. But I just hope in God's eyes, or who ever it is to which we are their snow globe which we are all stuck inside, I hope I seem worthwhile. Maybe life isn't worth living, but we can try to change that.

If im disappointing myself, and no one is here to notice as i runaway; then I can go on in life living a perfectly hidden lie.
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The dollar isn't the only thing that's down

The snow keeps people inside. Gives me a chance to get out and not be around everybody. "It all looks so nice now". Funny, because it looked nice before, but you didn't notice. I don't feel as alone as I did last time this year. Maybe that'll change tomorrow. But it's not all because of false hope. It's because I'm realizing that I have some good friends. What would happen if we were both alone? I think it's a question that brings fear. But let's come to an answer. We can keep it our little secret. I'm still asking for one more last kiss. It's kinda sad. I know what feeling I love. I just need to figure out how to feel it without also feeling lonely. Snowflakes falling everywhere. I just want someone to walk with through it all. It's a lot to ask, but it's the only thing I'm asking. I guess I've buried myself in too big of a hole. I won't be found until the green grass shows. And It'll be too late. But that is everyone's story isn't it? Or at least what everyone thinks or wants to think theirs is. Having someone telling you what you feel is way easier than figuring out it all on your own. But this also has been said. This is the same sad story everyone has. And right now I'm not doing a good job telling mine. So I'll end it with this for tonight:

Making the heartache a headache doesn't help.

I could be on stage at madison square garden in front of a sold out crowd full of people whose life's I've changed for the better.
But there will always be that one thing that can make me leave it all without regret.

that's all i got


slipping away,
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