ive felt a lot of things many times, but love only once

i dont say sorry anymore, but if did, now would be a good time for it.

it takes a lot sometimes for us to get back to reality. i shouldnt date. i love getting close to people emotionally. but thats it. if thats the only connection then i dont have to worry about love. because frankly, i dont want it. im scared of it. there. i said it. when it comes to new and future love, im just a fraud. except its worse than taking money. i take hearts. because the easiest way for me to go back to feeling the way i want to, is by feeling like shit for having hurt someone else. tonight, i want to dig a hole and sleep in the ground. i new the end was going to happened, but i can never predict the way it will. she got me thinking again. am i just trying to feel like i did in the past? i know im nostalgic, but maybe to a degree thats too high. i press my wrist so hard against the edge of this laptop when i type. its what feels right. stop in the middle of a bridge and get out. dance around until you fall down. it almost felt as good as bleeding again. i dont know who to miss right now. i dont know who i want to be my friend. i dont know what ill do. but i know i should just be completely alone fr a few days. maybe ill make new friends in the summer. with all the heat; people might like someone that can be so cold. i crossed my heart and hoped to die. years later it crosses my mind, but i just lie. i want to climb up to the top of a tree at night. i want to distance myself from everybody. make me my own little island in the middle of the atlantic that only i can teleport to whenever i feel the urge. 

i thought this town was paradise, until i realized you lived here.

now i know that hell is starting to become a place on earth.

the devil won't even want you though.

you're hearts too cold for hell.

<3