How to fall asleep alone

I'm not cut out for this world. I'm dying and I'm accepting it. I'm ready to go. I'm fine with being taken right now. I don't want to be "ok". I don't want to "settle". I want love. In the purest form there is. It looks nice outside, but it's not. I look fine, but I'm not. Open heart surgery couldn't save me now. Check me in to the mental hospital with queen size beds. Then meet me there at night. Lay with me (in my dreams); and run away before the sun comes up. Maybe if I dream it enough, I'll actually believe that you're there. "Do you know why your here?" because my heart hurts. because I'd rather die than be alone. If you say that in a movie it's romantic; if you say that In real life, then they write you a prescription. I feel lonely in every way there is too feel it. You want to live to be a hundred? I stopped living before I hit 17. There are brief moments I come back to life, but you can just consider me dead. I'm stuck out at sea, I'm yelling help, but no one can hear me.

I want answers, but the only people that just might have them I only meet with a barrier in between us. Because they're on stage, and im in the crowd. Every face tells a story, so what do they see when they look at mine? I feel like in a way they know I'm one of them. Thats why my hand was the one grabbed out of everyone by Pete, by William. That's conceited and probably a lie; but those moments are what have kept me alive. It's so odd how I'll become obsessed with death, but when someone tells me they are going to kill themselves, I try to talk them out of it. Hell you think I'd say, go for it, I wish I could. But something always tells me to tell other people to keep going. Half the time, I don't even know why I keep going. I know the real truths. It's why I'm in pain. I close my eyes and pretend that there is a body next to mine; then I move on and get through another day. I lay in bed and fall asleep telling myself a lie; just so I will be able to wake up in the morning without a heavy heart.
Scream love late a night a the top of a rooftop. And then listen.


lost
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