I'm trying to a more humble person

but learn to put myself first when I need to at the same time. Had an amazing conversation today. You can't put a price on today. It's been fucking great. Really thinking a lot about a phrase that was said today. "You can't be the doormat. You're welcoming, but people just kick their dirt on you and then move on." I don't want to feel used. The only time's we feel used is when we let our hearts get involved.
So I'm trying to not let me heart get involved in certain situations. Because sometimes I don't need my heart to get involved. Today I think I finally realized that I can still change, but remain the person I want to be in the ways I want to. You can use me again and again. You can call me at 3am crying, ask me to help you get through the night, and then never speak to me again. You can ask me to help you get over your social anxiety so you can go to parties and get drunk and end up hooking up with someone. I will encourage you to live even if you continue to never fucking do the things that are true and allow you to feel alive. I will drive hours to be with you even if you fucked up, and we both know it. Why do I do all of this?
Because I have so much hope inside of me. And I just want to share it with you. Because I fucking believe in you. Because from the second I meet you, I will tell you I believe in you. As I continue to learn more about you, I will still believe in you. Once I know your deepest darkest secrets and struggles, I will STILL believe in you. We all deserve that. And maybe we are so broken ourselves that it's hard for us to say we believe. But there's not a single fucking person on this earth that doesn't WANT to believe. So think about that. 6 billion people WANT to believe in you. 6,000,000,000 people want you to not be alone, to be happy, and to know that things are true to you. Think about that.

I finished tonight skyping with a beautiful girl. She doesn't like how she looks but she has the face of an angel and hair that just always seems like a breeze came by and just left it in a way that seems almost perfect. She has a soul that I can connect with. I want her. I want to lay next to this girl, to (at least for awhile) start each day with her, to hang out and do nothing and be totally content with it, to go have fun and act stupid and not care who's watching. I want to be everything good and bad in a way that it's so mixed up that our minds don't have a fucking clue, but our hearts tell us it's right. I want it to be better than the first high off a new drug. And I don't want to go back for another fix, I want this one to never end. Love is more powerful. Doesn't matter what you are trying to compare it to. Love wins.

Believe. Hope. Love. Feel alive.
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