I can't sleep; it's a good thing

There's a lot on my mind. That means I'm feeling again. I'm thinking again. Tonight was mainly consumed by a couple of great conversations which I'm very thankful for. I'm trying to love the person I am. I feel like in the past couple of days I have made some progress in that. There are things that I'm not ready to share with everyone, but I don't think that means I haven't come to terms with them. It means I'm not ready to handle the way people will react and judge them. I believe that those are two separate things. So I'm trying to move forward. I can honestly say that today I felt like I had a little more control in my life than I did yesterday. I know the conversations I had tonight helped.

I also read some interesting things tonight. How we are use to feel tension, and stress. How beautiful it can be if we learn to not feel those things, and just appreciate things as they are. We have tension built up in us, and it's not natural. If you have ever had trouble falling asleep at night then you can probably relate to this. It's the struggle of adjusting from our day, to the natural state that our body needs to be in to rest healthy.

Tonight I'm trying to let myself relax. I'm not focusing on the questions, the difficult things that lie ahead, nor the problems of the world. They will all be there when I wake up.

I'm thinking about this "exercise" that my last therapist suggested to me. How when we have trouble falling asleep, we can try this. It went something like this:

Think of yourself sitting in the shade of a tree next to a small river that is gently flowing on a nice summer evening. Think of something that is troubling you, and imagine yourself putting that trouble in a barrel, and letting it float down the river. If there is something else bothering you, imagine yourself placing that worry in another barrel, and letting it float down the river; and so on, and so on. Remember that you can get up, walk to the base of the river and collect your troubles whenever you'd like to. You aren't running away from them, just letting them float away for a little while. They are floating. You have a clear head. All that you can hear is the gentle stream flowing alongside you, and you lay your head in the soft grass under a tree and close your eyes. You are safe here. You are breathing in, and then out. In and then out. Life is this simple for tonight. In and out. In and out. You are sleeping.

In.
And Out.
In.
And Out.
In.
And Out.
The river is still flowing softly.
In
And Out.
In
And Out.
In

And good night.

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