this one might seem a little different

it feels like i've been up here for a while. so much more than three days. i wonder if when you enter this city, you become placed in a snow globe. so other people can just watch everything thats going on. i feel like i've gotten a lot more personal with my writing on here since i came up here. but as i was half asleep in my room at 3 i found myself realizing what one of my present and future biggest fears is. and i've decided to share it:
i get worried that when i go to college, i won't be in any sort of position where i'll be able to help people. by college there's no one that will appear to need help. by that time, people are pretty much on the right path or on the wrong path. i'm good at looking for people who are stuck in the middle or just alone, and helping them. i think i am anyway. but those people go down the wrong roads and just can't come back. maybe people will disagree with what im saying right now, but this is only one idea and viewpoint out of the millions we all make through out our lives. people will just go to parties and get drunk every night, fuck people they don't even really know. or just go do drugs. or just do completely stupid illegal shit. they say they're doing all of these things because it makes them feel good. but it really is just an easy way for them to forget and run away from their problems. they get used to that life style and it's hard to change. but if you really get to know some one like that, they probably aren't happy with their lives. then again, its hard to find people that are. what really makes me happy, and feel alive and worth something is when i help someone. and yes as of right now theirs only a handful of people i feel i've done that for. but i want there to be more. and im afraid that i wont find people like that in college. and im afraid that over time ill lose touch with my friends back home. so i'll have no one to help. why this really scares me too, is usually the people that you help are also the people that can help you the most. i think these reasons are why i was scared the first couple of days i was here. but i've realized this is only for 5 weeks, and here is more just focus on music. just music. and let everything else slip away. i don't let everything else slip away, but i have been focusing on music more.
now i don't even know if ill post this, but if i end up doing that, let me clear up a few things your probably thinking right now:
im not saying don't ever drink or smoke or have sex or anything. just about everyone experiments. but don't make it a habit to do any of those things. im 18 and i still have never drank or smoked. also, i have done and hope to do a lot more stupid shit. there are always certain times in our lives where for the moment it's nice to just get away from things. there is a difference between taking a break and running away. but i think im done with my rant. it's long enough right now.

this city is so different from my boring town. i kinda like it.
jogged around fenway park yest.
if you dont think that's a cool way to end this post then your probably someone who takes to big of a first bite from a popsicle stick.
or your a yankees fan.... dumb ass
<3