Fear of Love

It's kind of a messed up thing if you think about it. That we can be scared of the best thing life has to offer. I mean, shouldn't we just always sprint towards with our arms wide open, screaming and yelling for it?

But we don't. We get scared. We hide. We will turn down amazing opportunities, and let the potential of SO MANY good things just pass us bye. Because we're scared. Because somewhere along the line we were hurt, or maybe we were just never loved in the way we deserve to be. And that pain was so hard to deal with. It can take so long to recover. Sometimes longer than a lifetime.

This hurt that we experience from it, this pain, is so hard to place. See, as much as we can want to write off people and say that they were a horrible person, we know that's a lie. Because deep down, we all believe that we all have good intentions. So we can't place all this blame, this anger on them. We'll end up placing some of it on ourselves. And from that, we lose Love for ourselves. We realize that we were the reason we got so hurt, so we start to hate ourselves. "I will never let myself be this hurt again; this vulnerable again."

And it seems like as life goes on, we just become more and more independent. We lose our connection with others, especially those that mean the most. We become more and more alone. We are running such fast paced lives that we don't take the time to stop and try to learn to love ourselves again. So we just keep going on in this downward spiral. We are hoping for "the one" that will come pick us up our feet, show us all the beauty in the world and within ourselves. But in that, we are looking for an unhealthy relationship, and that's why it'll never happen. See, we want someone to come along and just pour their heart out and give us everything, while also being okay with us slowly taking our time to learn to love and trust again. It's bullshit. It won't work.

I'm trying to challenge myself. I'm trying to show people love and not guard my heart. I COULD DIE TOMORROW!!!!! And I don't want to miss out on what today has to offer because I'm a little scared still. I'm learning that as we become older it seems there are less and less people who will just put their hearts out there. We have to go searching for them. I know it's there.
Or there's the crazy idea that if we try to love everyone, we won't have time for all of those we love. Well, let me tell you something, it'll be a GREAT day when I have that problem. Because I haven't yet. But I'd like to. I know that if a lot of people had THAT problem, the world would be such a more beautiful place.

We need to LOVE NOW. We need to stare into the mirror in the morning and say "I love you" to ourselves until we believe it. Let's tackle our fears. Let's risk experience the pain of being hurt. Because it's better than never being know.
People ask a question like, "If you could meet this amazing person, who you would probably fall in love with, but has cancer and only 2 months to leave, would you?"
My answer: Yes. Every time, yes. What a 2 months it would be.....

Hug someone tomorrow.
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