Feeling old but new. Feeling lost, hurt, and blue.

This is a familiar feeling. This is Kevin Pelletier. This is who I am, and how I feel. It makes sense to me now.

See, I got lost the past few months. I was being taught and pressured to grow up according to the standards of society and those around me. I wasn't ready. I didn't want to. It shook, rocked, and sometimes it felt like an 8.0 earthquake hit my world. I had a very difficult time taking in everything that happened. I stepped out of myself. I did some messed up things I never ever would've expected myself to do. I was totally lost. I needed something familiar, and I was blessed enough to get it. I used her, hurt her, and hurt myself. But I found myself in it all. I found familiar things. I found things similar to the way they were before I came down here. My strongest desire right now is to know that someone I love isn't hurting anymore. To just get to a point where I can hug and hold her again. Because damn it, this makes sense to me, and it always will. Love really does conquer all.
This is where my passion comes from. The desire to just love so much. I'm one of the most hopeful mother fuckers you know. Because if I want to try to make one person happy, and I can't do that, I'll put all of my energy into trying to make every person I know happier, and just hope that it gets spread to the one person I can't reach. And then I want it to spread to everyone else. The people I haven't ever met, the people I will never meet, and the people that need it. I want to spread love like it's the biggest, and most powerful virus the world has ever seen. And there's no cure.

The ultimate strength, though, comes when I'm able to be reconnected with that one person I long for. Because then my love does nothing but intensify more, and from a much healthier place. For the past 6 months, maybe longer, I've been searching for at least a partial answer for the question "Who are you?"

My name is Kevin Pelletier. I have tested love, and I still believe it's the strongest and best thing in this world. I would die for it. I believe that Love is the answer to a lot of questions, more than we think. I believe that doing good in the world, is the best thing we can do. And I mean that in the sense of doing things that allow people to truly become happy, and then they also desire to spread this happiness, and love that has become a beautiful, peaceful fire inside them.

Love now.
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