I have to be up in less than 5 hours to drive a motorcycle

I can't sleep. There's a lot on my mind. I've changed so flipping much in the past year. I feel like I used to mean a lot to a lot of people. I feel like I used to be someone that people looked up to, and admired the great qualities I had, the things I did, and the person I was. But, I feel like I've lost a lot of that.

I now have "baggage". I have secrets, and struggles, and fears that are real to me. I have shame. I don't know how to go back to being a person that was able to connect with a lot of people. I want to be. I want to be surrounded by people that matter and that I feel care about me. I want to be doing good. Real good. Not handing someone a sandwich at Subway and smiling, but something that can actually mean a hell of a lot more. I got so caught up in this movement that has over 1,000,000 followers, and I always felt so connected and like a bigger part of things. But now, that's a struggle, because I don't feel as connected. It's hard. It's hard to find my own way. I want to make people smile everyday, and I want to give out awesome epic hugs, and I want to be there through all the tough crap in your life. I want to care, and I want people to tell me that that's okay. I want to love without hesitation.

I feel the potential in me. I FEEL IT! But most nights I just sit at home, feeling lonely or bored. Some nights I'll have a couple of drinks with friends. What happened to the days when I didn't need drinking or chasing girls or telling stories that just make me sound like an asshole to have fun with people? What happened to the random nights of just hanging out and not doing much but having an awesome time? The nights of having coffee and meeting someone new that was so beautiful. I feel like I'm stuck around a couple of boring people lately, and that only means that I'm boring. I DON'T WANT TO BE! I want to change and attract amazing hearts that are doing amazing things! I want to be connected to so many of these people and just see the beauty they have to offer the world. I want good things. I want positive things. I can't fucking stand your fear. Get rid of it so we can focus on more important things. There are enough lost, unhappy people in this world. Be one that is happy. That wakes up smiling.

Love now.

<3