let's go on a journey without medication

I leave the building. It's no nice to just get out. Sometimes I don't even care where I'm going and whether or not I end up there. I've been in this building for most of the day. You could say I'm depressed. I want to get out of here, cause sometimes sitting in the same room just makes you realize how much more worthless you really are. I cross the street. Immediately I want to get away from people. A walk along the water is nice. "A calm river will calm you down boy". I don't know why I put that in quotes, to me that's my original thought. But I'm sure someone has thought of it at one time or another. I walk to the bench that I had called my own. It's my first place to "escape" up here. It's the first place I found. But tonight I keep going. I have a different destination in mind. Besides, sometimes you just need to run away; and sometimes you need to run away as far away from everything as possible. I'm mainly focused on the scenery, the atmosphere around me. This is all new, this walk is for the future walks where I can focus more on the thoughts in my head and heart. I walk to a somewhat familiar place. I'll be just a few blocks away from it for the next four years, but I will never be the reason those parking lots fill up. I walk around the rotary. The long way. Only because someone is walking the other way, and I don't want to be with anyone right now. I look down and remember the busses being there. I remember the stairs where I stood with my best friend freezing our asses off, as we fear our balls would shrink so small they wouldn't ever come back. I look inside and continue, walk down the large walkway where I sat for hours in line. Walk over to the side entrance, but then down a little further. There is a nice little place here. Get rid of the lights, and it'd be perfect to just lay and look at the stars. I go towards the river, and take the walkway alongside it. They call it the river walk, but trees block the view. I stop on the bridge. I think it'd be cool if it just collapsed. I'd hold onto a piece of wood and just float down the river. I'd be able to just float away. No one would know what happened, and no one would understand. I continue walking. The nice walkway ends and an alley is ahead. I become anxious of who I might meet in here. I walk through, and start to head back. It seems like cars are parked on every part of the street they're not supposed to be. Here I go, headed back to the room. Back to where all the mistakes are waiting for me. Where reality lives. I decide to make the journey a little longer, and go back the way I started. This is a mistake. Then it happens. I think of you. This whole time I hadn't. I move on from it though. This isn't a good time to dwell on any of that, I'm going back to reality. I come back to end my walk, and now am just thinking about getting into my room and going on my computer to type all of this. I think about how much I missed writing the past few days. I try to make sense of new things (everything up here) when I don't have the older one's (home) figured out.

This was my night. I decided to write it so maybe some other night someone else can live it.
This is my life. I'm deciding to write it so maybe some other time someone else can live it.

<3