What is this?

I am afraid that I will never again be completely happy with either of the two paths I could take. I want all of this so bad, that i try to not look for love. But if love actually found me, would I be able to give this up? No. So I could never commit to one thing. That's why some commit to the choice of no more choices. Maybe it's the weather, but I just don't feel right. I'm confused. I'm being tossed in so many different directions. Which way is pulling me the most? Should I let it? Should I just drop out and figure out what my heart really wants and then spend my whole life chasing that?
Love, I miss you.


I've got so many great friends in high places
I've got so many people who care
All my friends listen and understand my pain
I have so many best friends that are always there
All my friends understand my shame
I have so many people who can give me a lift
But before I saw thank you to all my friends
Let me tell you that this is all bull shit

I'm still alone, maybe worse than ever
I'm still alone, love won't come back
you want to help but you cant, so send me a letter
there's so much knowledge your heart lacks

cut me open, dissect my insides
3 years now I've been ready to die
this shame and guilt will fallow me to my grave
Give me a shovel I don't want to be saved
I'll lay in the coffin and say goodnight
You just have to shut it tight.
you can't help me live anymore,
so can you help me die?
life isn't hardcore
when love starts with a lie

college is all about getting drunk and fucking people you don't really know and getting high. Because if you take away all of that, you realize that it just totally sucks. You realize how alone you feel. Everyone has the same major, It's called becoming someone you're not. I wonder if she'd end up becoming a professor here.

I have a secret, but it's too early to tell.
And I don't want to ruin it, it's kinda the only thing I have going for me right now.

(maybe I just need to get laid)
<3